Posts Tagged ‘Pain’

Accountability

 

In this particular blog post I am going to do the opposite of what everyone else tends to do. I’m not going to cater to or stroke my reader’s ego. I haven’t blogged much often. I should have, but I haven’t and I apologize to those that come by and read my blog regularly. I was thinking this morning about social networks and how Memes (photos with words written on them) have become the new sensation on social networks, specifically Instagram. It’s kind of neat, until you see some of the things you blogged about in the past being posted on a Meme word for word, but yet you’re not credited for it. That’s another subject. But I came across a Meme that stated “everyone that did man wrong in my past was proof that I’m too good for them.” When I first read the Meme I paid no mind to it because I see Meme’s on Instagram that are like this often. But then I thought about a conversation that I was having with a friend of mine earlier this week regarding people not taking accountability for things that have taken place in the past as well as things that take place in their lives currently. I have yet to see one Meme on Instagram or any other social network regarding self accountability. I decided to blog about it since people are obviously afraid to speak about it. Let’s get into it!

 

Self Accountability: The Elephant in the Room

I personally believe that accountability is life’s greatest teacher. It’s often seldom ignored. People don’t like to take accountability for actions or things that happened to them because there is rarely a society-given award for being self accountable. But everyone comes to the rescue of a victim. I’ll use myself as the first example. When I was in my late teens I was new to college. I would get mad because I felt I wasn’t mentally prepared for college based on my previous education in high school. I didn’t feel like my teachers invested enough into the students. Whether they did or not, I refused to take ownership for my lack of mental preparedness. I didn’t realize what I needed to realize at that moment until years down the line. What I needed to realize at that moment is that I was responsible for my mental preparedness and no one else was. I was in my late teens so I had the option to go to libraries and bookstores. It wasn’t as if I was confined to my home or lacked internet service at home. There was tons of information out there to help enhance my knowledge and help me become mentally prepared for college, but I made excuses and pointing fingers at my high school educators. This is an example of not taking accountability for past events that subconsciously I had control over. The above mentioned victim mindset will cause many life road blocks for anyone, including myself.

Back to the quote from the Meme, which I mentioned earlier in this post. When we are in a relationship with someone we deeply like or love, it’s so easy to let things slide. Once you’re in there, you’re in there. And a lot of times you don’t realize the things you’ve compromised or let slide until hindsight. Whether its abuse, cheating, lying, neglect, or anything else that can be detrimental to a relationship, sometimes we tend to let those things slide or linger while in a relationship because of other factors such as care, love, or just genuinely feeling invested to that person or relationship. Once the relationship is over, it all hits us at once and the bitterness as a result immediately makes us point fingers at them. We victimize ourselves. I’m a firm believer that accountability is the key to forgiveness. I’ll admit, there are some things in my past that were done or said to me that I still haven’t forgiven people of. That’s being genuine. I have said or done things in my past that I haven’t forgiven myself of, and that’s also being genuine. Forgiveness is a journey on a long or short road, and self accountability is the keys to the vehicle and gas that provides fuel to travel that journey. Pride and ego are the road blocks. Once pride and ego are removed we can travel that journey of forgiveness, straight non-stop until we arrive at forgiveness.

It’s so easy to point fingers. It’s easy to victimize ourselves. I believe pointing fingers is the cop-out way. Sometimes taking ownership (accountability) for things is not as bad as we initially perceive it to be. Grudges can be used for motivation, this is true. A lot of people use grudges as fuel to be successful in sports, life, and relationships. But what happens when you eventually reach the point of forgiveness or letting go for whatever that grudge may be? That fuel runs out. Which is why taking self accountability is a better option than holding a grudge. There are two aspects of your mental and thoughts, the positive and negative. You’re either going to have positive or negative thoughts. Self accountability falls under positive. You’re taking responsibility and you’re looking to move on from whatever has taken place in a positive way. You  can smile and be happy while being accountable. Grudges fall under negative because a grudge birth negative emotions such as anger, sad, hurt, and sometimes even fear. Not too many people are smiling or happy while holding a grudge, unless it’s an evil grin.

 

How do we get to the point of taking self accountability for past events?

You honestly have to drop your pride and ego. In fact, your pride and ego are the only things in your way for taking self accountability for past events. The person(s) that may offended, hurt, embarrassed, or left you doesn’t have to be responsible for what took place in order for you to take  self accountability. Yes, people may have hurt you in the past. They may have offended you or embarrassed you. They may have left you out to dry and turned their backs on you, but at some point you have to take accountability for it because you played a part in accepting them in your life or choosing them to be in your life. One thing to remember is you’re not taking accountability for the situation in order to appease them, you’re taking accountability for you and your future. The first step to forgiveness is accountability.

Throughout my blog posts I’ve always stated that I was responsible for my past relationships not working out. Now you know why; self accountability. Its unfortunate, there are a lot of Memes on social networks and a lot of blogs written, but rarely do you see one regarding self accountability. I thought to myself “how are you helping people if you’re not assisting them with all aspects of self-help.” One of the most important aspects of self-improvement is accountability. I can’t just blog about how to get over breakups, how to choose better mates, or how much value you have as a human being. I have to be honest when writing, so I believe writing about accountability will help those that will read this. I’ve played the victim role many times in life. I’ve pointed fingers throughout my life. We all have at some point. We are human. But lately I’ve come to the realization that no one is more responsible for me, my livelihood, or my happiness than me. The only person on earth that you can truly depend on to come through in the clutch for you 100% of the time is you. This applies to us all. Now, there are some situations where people are truly victims (events where any form of crime was committed). I’m not referring to those situations or people by any means. Someone somewhere will consider me to be a villain for writing this. They’ll say “some people really are victims” or “its okay to hold grudges, its part of the healing process.” Whether valid or not, that is their personal opinion. This is mine and what I believe; self accountability is the key.

 

Nell

 

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