Posts Tagged ‘love’


Dependency for dating relationships

Are you dependent on love? Is it hard to function for a minute period of time without a man or woman in your life? You may answer with a quick no, but by the end of this post your answer may change. What type of dependency am I referring to?

There are many people in the world today who are dependent. They are dependent specifically in the area of relationships. I am not only referring to marriage relationships or couple status, but flings as well. There are thousands of books out there that preach the solution, but the real solution is a simple one. This problem is with both males and females, not just females. I am a male, and a lot of times we place value of females over things such as success, self improvement, and self respect. But its also the same for females, and with that being said this post is directed towards everyone, no one is immune from dating dependency. In this post I will discuss dating dependency, the causes, effects, and a solution.

I believe that the reason why there are so many divorces and failed relationships today, is the fact that many people come into these relationships with dating dependencies. They come into a relationships with personal baggage whether it stem from self-esteem issues, confidence, identity crisis, or lack of self love. So what am I referring to when I state that people have a dependency for dating relationships? There are a great number of people who go from one relationship to the next without anytime in between. These relationships can be anything from marriage, dating, or flings. I know plenty of people personally who can’t go for a minute period of time without a lover in their lives. The people who are dependent never give their selves time to heal and release baggage from their previous relationship or personal issues, so they create a vicious cycle. They place blame on the people that constantly come in and out of their lives, and identify them as the root of the problem. However, these individuals never take out time to place blame inward, and the reason why is because they never had the time to. The reason why is because they have a dependency on dating relationships. They place relationships before their selves. These people can go from one lover to the next without care for their selves because of their dependency. But if they stop all relationships for a short period of time, they will drive their selves crazy. Dependency will eventually lead to heartbreak, here’s why:

The cause

People develop dependencies because of loneliness, lack of love, a void, fear and weakness. However the main cause of dating dependencies is because these individuals are not in tuned with their selves. Some of them have identity issues, some of them have love issues, some have self-esteem issues, some have confidence issues, and some have problems with addiction, but all of those issues are existent because there is a void, and it is up to the individual to fill it. Baggage is a relationship killer. Baggage is caused by one of the issues previously mentioned. The only way to rid baggage is to fix the previously mentioned issues.

If you don’t know who you are as an individual, don’t expect someone else to identify your identity for you. If you don’t love yourself, don’t expect love in return. If you don’t have great self-esteem, don’t expect someone else to boost it for you. If you don’t have confidence, don’t expect someone to help you gain it. And if you have a addiction, don’t expect someone to “fix” it for you. All of these expectancies and addictions create dependency.

The effects

The effect of dating dependency is the vicious cycle that I was referring to previously in this post. You begin to go from one partner to the next without a solution to your problem in sight. The root of your problem gets deeper because the time that is needed to find a solution becomes slim to none. You become jaded towards love and respect, it begins to effect the way you view partners and your relationships. Your personality and individuality suffers, you begin to become bitter and careless. You begin to categorize your partner, placing them in a box. You begin to love your partner more than you love yourself. You lose integrity, self respect, confidence, self-esteem, value and more importantly time. But the most important thing that you lose when you are dependent is: YOU.

The Solution

The solution to all of the causes and effects begins with you. Your mind controls all of these causes and effects. You can read all the self-improvement and relationship books in the world. Even Steve Harvey will not be able to help you, because If you don’t have you (your mental and true identity) in tact, you will always open a vacancy for dependency to come in. The cycle will continue, and you will continue to attempt to fill a vacancy that can be filled by you. The solution to fixing the relationship problems of today lies in the hands of each individual. If you realize that you have a problem with dating dependency, the solution is right before your eyes when you look in the mirror daily, you.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

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