Overdoing it in the dating field [For Men]

Posted: June 9, 2016 by Nell in Dating, Entertainment, Personal, Self Help/ Motivation, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Dos Equis


Everyone has their own opinion regarding things in their life. Whether they decide to express it or not depends on them. One thing I’ve been noticing via social media and on a platform level, in general, is people tell half-truths. They give you one side of the truth and it’s usually the side of the truth that’s the most comforting. It’s the side you want to hear. The “Nothing is wrong with what you’re doing, just stay positive and everything will be okay” side of the truth. It’s the positive side of the truth as oppose to the negative side. People, whether relationship coaches, authors, or bloggers with platforms say what their audience wants to hear in order to avoid losing their audience. The problem with that is it puts the need for self-accountability on the back burner. I decided to do a post strictly on the other side of overdoing it in the dating field, from a man’s perspective.


Overdoing it in the dating field

When I was in my teens, my peers and I had one desire other than being famous and being wealthy. That desire was to get as many attractive girls as possible. Growing up as a teen, it was like a silent competition amongst males. I remember as a teen I would purchase King Magazine and post the photos of the cover models on the wall in my bedroom. I did it for future motivation because of course the women in the magazine were much older than me. As I got old enough to date, playing the field became the fun thing to do. I was always committed while in my relationships, but in between time I went wild. It seemed like every male in my age range (early to late teens) were focusing on who can get the most girls. At that moment, those were fun times. Little did I know there was a future downside to those fun times.

When you’re a young man, you get saluted for having a team of ladies. It’s like a badge of honor. If the ladies you have on your team are attractive, then you’re considered to be winning according to many of your peers. As a young man, you go through life desiring to acquire more money, more status, and more women. Society has a habit of pushing the image of being a ladies man on men as well. You see the Dos Equis commercial, and outside of being the most interesting man in the world, he’s often coupled up with multiple beautiful women. You see the commercials for Axe body spray, and you often see multiple women all over the guy who sprayed Axe on himself. You see male professional athletes and entertainers, and you often hear about the playboy lifestyle many of them lead, the groupies, or the quick relationships with multiple beautiful lady entertainers. As a teen and young adult, you see those things and you think “I wouldn’t mind living a lifestyle similar to that.” As a result, some males become determined to make it their main objective in life.

What we rarely see is the problems and baggage that comes along with playing the field too much and for too long. There are men in their 40s and 50s who have never been in a long-term committed relationship. Whether it’s by choice or not is strictly based on their desires and interest. Some may not desire to have long-term committed relationships in life. I can’t speak for those men, but what I will say is the longer you play the field, the more comfortable you become with doing so, and the harder it becomes to commit to a long-term monogamous relationship. You develop a habit of not being tied to one person.

A month or so ago, I made a blog post about giving yourself away to people while dating, and how it can affect you in the future. The same applies with playing the field too much and too long. Society tells women they shouldn’t play the field with multiple men because of the baggage that comes along with it and soul ties, amongst other things. They never relay that same message to men, but it should be. Men need to be made aware of the same cons that women are made aware of.

There are pros and cons to everything, and playing the field too much or too long as a man is no different. The more women you become intimate (not just sexual) with,  the more of yourself you give to them. If you continue to constantly give yourself to numerous women, you’re going to eventually develop some form of baggage as a result. I’m not even going to touch on some of the lies, cunning acts, and drama you expose yourself to while being involved with numerous women. Unless you have perfect relations with every woman you get involved with, you’re going to carry over some type of baggage whether it’s trust issues, commitment issues, or just a lack of ability to see  a woman as an individual and not as an object or a group. Depending on where you currently are in your life, it may not matter to you. However, eventually, those things will have an effect on you if you plan on being in a long-term relationship down the line.

Society doesn’t do a good job of reminding men of the cons that come along with overdoing it in the field. They tell us, “Get your rocks off, go through your player stage, and one day you’ll be ready for long-term commitment once playing the field is out of your system.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. It’s hard to get habits you develop while playing the field out of your mind. It’s even harder to do it when you play the field too much or for too long. You have to practice being committed to a relationship before you can actually commit. If a job takes a person who has been working on a team for years and place them in an environment where they have to work by themselves, it may take that person a while to adjust. The same thing goes for adjusting to relationships after overdoing it in the dating field. You have to build with a woman through ups and downs individually in order to develop a healthy level of trust with her. That takes patience, it takes time, and it takes commitment and effort from the both of you. It’s hard to put in the necessary time and effort when you have other women pulling at your strings desiring your time and effort. You have to connect with a woman on a one on one level of intimacy before you can see her as an individual and not see her as “just another woman.” It’s hard to do that on a consistent basis while you’re still involved with other women.

The issue is, you can’t instantly change your habits and ideology you developed while playing the field for a long period of time. There’s no off/on switches. I speak from personal experience. You can go through your young adulthood playing the field, going from woman to woman, and one day you realize you have left over baggage from all of those years of playing the field. Some people may think “How is that possible? I’m a man, we don’t catch feelings while playing the field.” You don’t have to catch feelings or have an emotional attachment in order to add baggage to your life. A lack of trust which you develop from going from woman to woman can cause you to have trust issues which are considered baggage. And unless you find a woman who’s willing and patient enough to work with you through those issues, you’re going to have a problem.

If you’re at a point in your life where you want to play the field, go right ahead. This blog post wasn’t written to discourage men playing the field. This blog is for spreading awareness of the cons that come along with it for the men who do it for too long. You have to date in order to find a mate, so of course, I’m not discouraging playing the field. Some people don’t play the field to find a mate, though. However, there’s a downside to doing it and I wanted to make you aware since society tends to avoid doing so.





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