You can’t keep giving yourself to people

Posted: May 20, 2016 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , ,

A Love Jones


For the past five years or so, I’ve been on a journey. Actually, I’ve been on a journey all my life, but the past 5 years it intensified. I’ve learned a lot, but throughout the process of learning also came a lot of growing pains. One thing that has consistently stood out in my mind is the number of people, women specifically, I have given myself to over the last 5 years or so. What do I mean by given myself to? I’m not referring to sex. I’m referring to confiding in and emotionally and sometimes mentally investing in. I decided to share some thoughts on giving yourself to numerous people while being single and why I believe there are more drawbacks than benefits.


You can’t keep giving yourself to people

Single life can be very beneficial depending on where you are in your life. If you’re younger and under the age of 25, it may be the best relationship status for you. If you’re in a place in life where you’re focused on building up yourself, whether it be finances, school, or just emotional, physical, or mental uplifting, being single can be ideal. You don’t have anyone in the way of you working on yourself. As with everything, there are some issues that can occur while being single. Often times, when some people use the title “single”, they don’t necessarily mean just focusing on themselves while not dating or getting to know someone else on a serious level. A lot of times, the word single stands for not being in a monogamous relationship, with a title of course. As a result of dating or being intimate with others while being single, you subconsciously create what can end up being an issue for you in the future.

Every time you decide to be intimate with someone, you give a piece of your energy and history away to that person. By intimacy, I’m not referring to sex, although sex can be included for some people. I’m referring to being emotionally intimate, as in letting someone in on your personal thoughts, your fears, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you mad and tick, your weaknesses, and even your childhood or upbringing. You decide to share those things with the person(s) you’re intimate with because you feel as though they gained your trust with at least sharing some if not all of your personal thoughts and emotions with them. The drawback comes into play when the intimacy and connection, friends, or whatever you refer to them as fades away. Once you fall out with someone or the two of you are no longer acquaintances, they leave with a part of you. Depending on the way the two of you disassociated, the part (what you confided in them) can possibly become either public information or simply information to people who you don’t desire to share your thoughts or business with.

There are few things more disappointing than confiding in someone you once trusted enough to share your thoughts with, and they take that part of you and share it with people who you wouldn’t want that information shared with. You end up with strangers knowing about your goals, childhood, finances, weaknesses, fears, and for some people sexual history, all because the person you once confided in decided to share your information with friends, families, peers, or even strangers, whether out of spite or anger.

When you give yourself to people, not sexually speaking, you open the door for the drawback mentioned above to happen. Not only is giving yourself to numerous people mentally and emotionally exhausting at times, it can also have more of an effect on you in the future after the act of giving yourself to them is done. When becoming emotionally intimate with someone, decide whether or not you would be fine with them sharing the things you confide in them with other people if the two of you have a fallout.

This is something to keep in mind, especially for people who are currently in the dating field or considering it. Be selective with who you decide to be emotionally intimate with. There’s a lot at stake. I know sometimes it’s hard to decipher who really has your best interest at heart and who’s in your life to only take from you, but that’s when time and logic should come into place. Don’t give yourself to everyone you come across while “talking” or dating. Just like you would be selective with sex partners, you should be selective with who you confide in as well. You don’t want to confide in someone you’ve only been dealing with for a few weeks, and then the two of you are no longer acquaintances, and they run off with your business to share with others. You may wonder how are you supposed to get to know someone seriously without the two of you sharing information and confiding in each other? That’s for you to use your better judgment and decide. My advice would be to only confide in someone when you know they’re serious about you as an individual. It will be more beneficial to you in the present and future if you take this course of action.




  1. thesmilingpilgrim says:

    Learning and improving is where its at

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