The Importance of Forgiving Yourself

Posted: February 28, 2016 by Nell in Dating, Personal, Self Help/ Motivation, Uncategorized
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I haven’t blogged in at least a year. I’m currently in the middle of finishing up a book I’m going to be releasing soon, but I decided to write a post and share something I’ve learned both over time, and recently. I often hear and see things about people forgiving those who hurt and offended them in the past or present, but I rarely see or hear anything regarding self forgiveness, except maybe in religious dialogue. I thought I would share my opinion with you on the subject matter.


The Importance of Forgiving Yourself


There is not an adult on earth who has not offended or hurt someone at some point in their life. You can hurt or offend people either intentionally or unintentionally.  People come from different backgrounds and have different experiences throughout their lives. Those things mold one’s personality and character traits. So its very well possible you can offend someone by simply being yourself or expressing your own personal views, and not even in a rude or disrespectful manner either. And that’s one of the reasons why self forgiveness is so important.

Now that we have why or how you can offend someone out of the way, let’s discuss why its important to forgive yourself for hurting or offending others. I’ve learned over the years, and especially throughout my adult life, there is a burden that comes along with knowing you hurt or offended others. If you’re someone who’s genuinely caring about others, you’ll care about whether you hurt or offended them. If you’re an emotional or passionate person, you may not be aware or care in the moment when the offense takes place. However, once you realize the damage you’ve done, or at least be made aware of it by the person(s) you hurt or offended, you’ll care. The burden is hard to ignore.

The burden I’m speaking of is the burden of wanting to undue whatever hurt you’ve caused that person. You want to make peace or at least clean up the situation, so you might offer other things to those you’ve hurt or offended, along with your apology. You might continuously apologize every time you see or speak to them. You might feel the need to cater to them and treat them to meals, trips, or even shower them with gifts. You may even sacrifice valuable and important things in your life such as friends, family, a career, a relationship, or even your own happiness and love in order to prove to the person(s) you’ve hurt or offended that you’re genuinely sorry. And that is where the burden becomes an issue. Its at those moments when your lack of forgiveness for yourself allows those you’ve hurt or offended to have power and control over your life, or even manipulate you.

Some people tend to hold being hurt or offended over the offender’s head for long periods of time. There’s a sense of gained power in doing so, for some people. Unfortunately, sometimes its not even because they haven’t forgiven you for what you’ve done or said to them. A lot of times it has more to do with their desire to manipulate and control whatever existing or non-existing situation they have with you, which is why forgiving yourself is so important. We tend to think when people are reluctant to show forgiveness to us, they don’t necessarily forgive us. That’s not always the case. People are aware when someone is genuinely sorry. They can literally feel or sense it. People are aware when someone has good intent with their apology and plea for forgiveness. The key is to realize, once you apologize to them, the only burden you have left is forgiving yourself. Its no longer receiving their forgiveness, because that is truly out of your hands. You don’t have to apologize continuously if the act isn’t committed anymore. You’ve gave them what you owe them, a genuine apology.

Ridding the burden of not forgiving yourself provides a sense freedom. The people you hurt or offended can no longer hold the burden of what you did or said over your head. It becomes their burden, if they decide to still hold a grudge or be spiteful after you genuinely apologized. It is okay for you to genuinely apologize to those you’ve hurt and offended, forgive yourself, and then move on with your life. You’re not entitled to stay around and  undue the hurt or offense you’ve caused. Its no longer your responsibility or burden once you’ve forgiven yourself. The person(s) you hurt or offended can hold a grudge against you for months, years, or the rest of their life, but with self forgiveness they won’t be able to hold it over your head anymore. And that’s important for both your livelihood and your own mental health and growth. Its also important for the development and building of your current and future involvements with other people.

If you’re genuinely sorry for hurting or offending someone, apologize to them, but more importantly forgive yourself. You’ll free a burden which may last a life time if you don’t.




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