Funny How We Complain About The Things We Once Accepted

Posted: July 9, 2014 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , ,

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I haven’t blogged in forever. I’ve been busy working on a few new projects and I also have a new book in the works. I decided to do a blog post since I haven’t written one in a while. I’ve been doing some thinking over the past couple of weeks and I noticed most of the complaints which come from people in reference to their ex significant others, are the same things they once embraced or accepted. Below, I give my opinion on what I discovered recently.

 

Funny How We Complain About Things We Once Accepted

 

What does the title above mean anyways? I’ll give an example, on social media you come across individuals bashing their ex significant other from time to time. What’s social media without bashing? But one thing I noticed is the complaints are normally about something that has always existed in their former mate, but they chose to ignore it. It’s like the guy who was known as the cool jerk when he met a woman, she’s aware of him being known as the cool jerk when she meets him, but she ignores it because she desires him. She doesn’t complain about him being a jerk until their relationship is over with, even though she knew of him being a jerk initially. Why did it take a breakup for her to realize this?

It didn’t! We’re human beings and whether we want to or not, we tend to give people we’re genuinely interested in at least a fair chance in the beginning. We know they’re flawed, because every human being is flawed, but we tend to place their flaws on the back burner in the beginning because their positive characteristics are considered a novelty. The positive characteristics they possess are all fresh and new because your acquaintance with them is new. Besides, trying to build the foundation of a relationship in the beginning while complaining about your potential significant other’s flaws is like starting a race at the finish line and running towards the start line. Yes, you may be running the race, but you’re running away from the goal, which is the finish line.

Instead of complaining about our potential significant other’s flaws in the beginning, we either embrace or accept their flaws to avoid conflict, all while hoping the flaws will either disappear or won’t dilute the novelty we experience in the beginning. The problem lies there, because the flaws always dilute novelty as time goes on. Why? Because once people become accustomed to things, we begin to nitpick and try to find out where has the novelty that existed in the beginning gone.

The allure of something new is what makes us place the same flaws we complain about in the end, on the back burner. We don’t complain about eating great tasting unhealthy foods until we gain unwanted weight. The same goes with ignoring the flaws of our ex significant others, we don’t complain about their flaws until the novelty wears off, or until the damage is done.

So what’s the solution? The solution is to find a potential mate that you can be open and revealing with, especially in the beginning. I like to believe great communication is always established in the beginning on both sides. Express and reveal your flaws to each other verbally, discuss them, and then there are two options. Either find a solution to help your potential mate overcome their flaws, or choose to walk away in the beginning. Complaining about their flaws after the damage is done makes you look like a bad decision maker. The phrase “can’t cry over spilled milk” relates to this blog post. People who let their ego speak for them will say their potential mate hid their flaws in the beginning, but even if they did, it’s your responsibility to either help repair the flaws or leave once they’re revealed or shared with you. Whichever route you choose, make sure it doesn’t result in complaining after the fact.

 

Nell

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Comments
  1. I really enjoyed this post seems like this would be a good book to read. You make some really great points especially when you said why does it take for things to go wrong to start complaining. I see this all the time. What bothers me about that is they spend time together enjoy everything they can with no complaints until things don’t go their way thats when it hit the fan. I’m sure it would shut a women up if he said ok give me my gifts back or why did you allow the hook up anyway if you wasn’t that interested from the beginning especially when you have hundreds of texts and emails from them when you could have stopped at the first 3 or 5. I do wonder the logic behind certain situations. Another great point you made when you said we don’t complain about eating junk food and stuffing our faces it only becomes a problem when we start to get fat and see results we are not looking for LOL. Thank you for bringing this to my awareness to sit back and watch to see what I’ll allow and won’t put up with. A lot of the time we are hard on people because we are afraid of being rejected when if you really cared anyway you would make yourself vulnerable for any situation. Being a tough guy is usually a test to see what a person can do that will be accepted. So I just think its corny for any of the parties to try to play each other at the end it says more about them then the person they are talking about. IMO

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