Are You REALLY Ready? (The Preparation Stage)

Posted: September 24, 2012 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , , , ,

I haven’t blogged in a while, but I decided to come back and post one. I need to make it a habit to blog more often. The big craze of my generation is dating or a lack thereof. Most of people from my generation are in their mid to late 20’s and some are in their early 30’s. We have dating books aimed towards our generation specifically. Everyone and their relatives are dating coaches and experts. There are television shows and internet websites geared towards it. I’m not going to lie, providing dating advice or dating shows are cash cows for many. But my question to you is as a result of the dating craze, do you feel pressured to find a mate? Do you want a mate because you’re REALLY ready for one or is it because society, family, and friends pressure you to feel ready?

Before I get started I have to state something. People see my blog titles and they assume that I’m a relationship coach or expert, but I’m not. I never claimed to be and I probably won’t. I was once told “The value of a message isn’t the messenger; It’s the message.” I think society as a whole puts too much into titles. I want no part with those titles. Only title I’ll accept is author. I love the fact I get to share knowledge with people without having to live up to a title. I often get asked to share my opinion on different relationship topics, so I do it. I can easily write post about more diverse topics since that’s what I do outside of this blog, but I won’t because majority of my readers and subscribers follow me as a result of my dating posts. I’m grateful for all of the new people who recently decided to follow my blog here on WordPress and those who like my Facebook page. You all are appreciated.

Are You REALLY Ready For A Relationship? (The Preparation Stage)

What is the preparation stage? It is the stage in people’s life where they prepare themselves for a relationship. So many people want a mate, but they’re not ready for one. Just think about the relationships that have or are currently being destroyed as a result of one of the mates not being ready. Maybe neither were ready, but the relationship has ended or will end as a result of it. What does being REALLY ready consist of? I personally don’t have an answer to that question because for each person it varies. No one else besides the individual who needs to decide whether they are or not knows what being ready consist of. Everyone has different wants, needs, expectations, and desires.

A lot of people in society no longer embrace or respect individuality. Who am I to tell a woman what to look for in a man when I don’t know the type of man she desires? Everything is forced these days. “Like this type of man, not that type of man.” “Like this type of woman, not this type.” When in reality, everyone has individual desires. So if I were to share my opinion on what being REALLY ready means, I would say in general it consist of knowing your personal desires in a mate while being willing and able to reciprocate the same.

There are two main areas of being ready that I believe are the most important before entering a relationship:

Stability: Are you stable in all areas of your life? (Financially, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally). Waiting for your mate to provide stability can put your relationship on bad terms before it gets the opportunity to grow.

Happiness: Depending on a mate to make you happy is wrong. Your mate should make you happier, not happy. They’re your mate not a comedian or clown. The only person responsible for your happiness is you.

People will debate with me all day about the two main areas that I listed above. In this article which was featured on Divorce Guide, the top 10 reasons for divorce relate to the two main areas I listed above. Sure, majority of people have gotten into relationships without stability and happiness (myself included), and many will continue. But there’s no doubt in my mind, those two main areas listed above will both improve your chances of having a successful relationship as well as finding a mate who desires to grow and build towards the same.

I have this personal belief and that belief is your mate is a reflection of you. If your mate is a slacker; it’s a reflection of you. If your mate lacks class; it’s a reflection of you. Basically you’re accountable for your mate. Sure you may not behave like them or look like them, but since you chose them, you’re accountable for them and they are a reflection of you. Some may disagree, but its my belief. With that being said, are you REALLY ready to be involved with someone who you’re accountable for?

I was once told the purpose of a partnership is to build and grow together. The words that stood out to me the most were build and grow, but I didn’t pay attention to the most important word of that message which is: together. You cannot develop a successful partnership if you’re not ready or willing to embrace the word together. All throughout my life I have been apart of sport teams. One word all of my coaches constantly preached to my teams was the word together. If we won, we won together. If we lost, we lost together. One of my coaches was so strict, if one of us got a penalty in a game we all ran laps together as a result.

A relationship is not about you. It’s not based on your desires, your wants, or your needs. It’s about the partnership and the goals you and your mate have for your partnership. There are many things selfish people shouldn’t get involved with, one of which is a relationship. A relationship is not a place where selfish people can successfully dwell. Once you make a commitment of a relationship; it’s no longer about you. It’s easy to get lost in the purpose of a relationship when society is constantly telling you the purpose of one is you.

Relationships also revolve around patience. Above I mentioned the word grow. We all know it takes patience in order for something to grow.  You have to be patient for the growth of a child, a plant, a tree, knowledge, faith, and the same goes for relationships. I have said this numerous times on my blog, my generation consist of a lot of selfish individuals. At times I am included. Everything is “I, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me.” We also lack patience and want everything instantly on our time. If we want to know something specific we no longer have to read a whole book, we can just Google it. So how can we expect to be in a successful relationship when we thrive off selfishness and instant gratification?

Being in a relationship sounds good. Its something to be taken serious and its also a dream goal for many people. People pray for a partner and a successful relationship the same way they pray about wealth, nice vehicles, homes, and health. They dream about having a wonderful relationship with the ideal person. But how many are REALLY ready? Similar to the effort it takes to become a millionaire or acquire those nice vehicles and homes, how many are truly ready and willing to put in the work in order for a relationship to be successful?

One thing that dating experts are not going to tell you is you’re not ready for a relationship. They’ll tell you what to look for in a mate, what to do and say to attract a mate, and where to find them, but none of them are going to tell you that you’re not ready for the mate you desire. You are the only person responsible for knowing whether you’re ready for a relationship or not. How often have you or do you lie to yourself and say that you are?

So are you REALLY ready for a relationship? Do you make yourself ready even though you’re not because the pressures of society? If you are ready just remember that a relationship is about you. If you are not ready, no pressure from over this way.

 

Nell

 

 

 

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Comments
  1. Jasmine says:

    Welcome back. I’m in a relationship now but I recently went through something similar. It was hard for me to decide if I was ready bcuz I had baggage from my ex (that dog.) But with my new bf I’m finally ready. I’m passing this along

  2. Raé says:

    Great read. This hit home for me and a girlfriend of mine as I read it out loud to her on the phone. We’re both in our “late” 20’s, trying to figure out not only if we’re REALLY ready but also exploring ourselves in search of the answers to why we haven’t had any successful relationships. Nice to hear it from a man’s perspective. Thanks!

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