Date Someone That Desires You [Uncommon Sense]

Posted: May 25, 2012 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Some people will say that dating someone who desires you is common sense, but from the looks of things in society it’s not so common. I had a discussion earlier this week in reference to the title of this post. I personally believe that people are having such a hard time with finding the right match, because they’re attempting to date out of their league. There are a lot of people in the dating world that are interested in dating someone who either doesn’t find them physically, mentally, or sexually attractive. Yes, there is a difference between physically and sexually attractive, but that’s another blog post. I know it may sound harsh, but a lot of men and women are trying to date outside their league. They’re frustrated because they may not bring enough to the table in order to date the individual they desire. As much as dating someone who desires you may sound like common sense, it’s actually not. I used Michelle and Barack Obama as the photo of this blog because I remember her stating she initially wasn’t interested in him. He desired her, but it took her a little while to open up to him. However, it seems like it worked out well for those two.

Date Someone That Desires You 

I saw a question earlier this week that stated “how come the ones we desire don’t want us and the ones that we don’t want, actually want us?” I replied to the question stating that we are delusional sometimes as human beings. I stated that because we believe that we deserve better in life than what we currently have. Most human beings are taught this and we believe this. We were taught to dream and fantasize about the things we desire. I’m a firm believer in the law of attraction and I believe everything that we currently have in our lives, both positive and negative, were attracted somehow. This includes our love life or lack thereof. We may believe in our minds that we deserve better than the options that we currently have, but does our stats add up to that? I can’t go to the Bentley dealership and try to purchase a Bentley with minimum wage pay being my only form of income. Although I may like to have wishful and positive thinking, it probably won’t happen. The same usually goes for other situations in life from careers to dating.

When it comes to people who desire you, they may not necessarily be the type of person you prefer. Maybe they’re too big or small for you. Maybe they’re not the skin complexion that you desire. Maybe you don’t find them mentally or physically attractive. Maybe they don’t have enough income or material possessions. Or maybe you just feel that you deserve better. Whatever the case may be, human beings are good for finding excuses for not dating the people who desire us. I believe the issue lies deeper than some people may believe. In a lot of cases we reject those that desire us because of inner self-esteem issues. Some people  need what they believe to be the finer things in life to make them feel special and valued. They need the new BMW, the high-end fashion clothes, and the nice lavish lifestyle in order to have a sense of worth. Nothing is wrong with desiring or acquiring those things, but using them to boost your sense of worth is not good. The same thing applies to mates. There are some people who feel the need to date someone who doesn’t necessarily desire them, because it will provide them with a sense of worth and boost their self-esteem. They fail to realize that self-worth and value doesn’t come from other individuals, but within.

One of the most energy and time-consuming things is trying to get someone who’s not interested in you to like you or find you attractive. It’s not organic and it takes you out of your element. You lose who you are in order to become the type of man or woman they’re normally attracted to. So many people are out trying to capture the attention and interest of people who don’t even have them on their dating radar. Meanwhile the person that’s interested in them for who they are is being ignored and pushed to the side. It happens all the time and a lot of us are guilty of it. Everyone has someone they admire(d) and everyone has someone who admire(s) them. Just because someone admires you and you don’t admire them back doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not the one for you. You could just be rejecting their interested because you’re focused on capturing the attention of the person you’re trying to attract.

To some people, dating the people who desire you may be a bad idea, if you don’t initially find them attractive. However, I have heard a lot of success stories of people who have built strong long-lasting relationships with someone who desired them. They didn’t have strong interest in that person in the beginning, but after getting to know them better they clicked. You’re more likely to have a successful relationship with someone who desires you, than not being desired by someone you desire.

I’m not telling you to go out and date the bum standing outside of the corner store or the loose girl in the neighborhood that has no class, but I am stating that it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to give someone that’s not a total loser your time of day. Maybe they’re not exactly what you desire and maybe they don’t meet everything on your checklist, but being extra picky is not a plus when you’re chasing the people who you desire, instead of being embraced by them. There has been so many potentially great relationships blown as a result of this.

You may be thinking “well how do you know when someone really desires you?” You’ll know, because they’ll let it be known either verbally or visibly. It’s your responsibility to embrace it and see where it goes. Some people may consider this settling. But there are a lot of people who are not embracing those that desire them, but they’re constantly chasing someone who either doesn’t exist or doesn’t want them. If you don’t desire anyone that desires you, you need to search within. That should be an inner alarm that you need to make some changes and improvements about yourself. You may be one of the delusional people who I was referring to early on in this blog post. You make the decision, are you going to embrace or chase?



  1. mysweetestwords says:

    Bravo!! I’m a physician, and do you know how many female physician friends of mine try to go after these totally unattainable men? I think we fall into the mindset of “if I try harder, if I do better, if I just say the right thing”, which may be the right formula for success in our jobs or in other aspects of our lives but not necessarily in relationships!! Thanks for stating it just as it is! I wish so many wonderful, beautiful friends of mine would just stop pining after men who just don’t want to be with them.

  2. Keshia says:

    Excellent blog. I completely agree people should be with those that desire them and treat them with love and respect. Also I think that’s important for that person to have some attraction and desire for the person they are with as well.

  3. Anna Mae Bullock says:

    Wow! Amazing. After our conversation, I took into consideration what you stated. I started thinking and have come to an understanding regarding my initial question of attraction between those we want, those who don’t want us and those we may not want. This read was marvelous and goes along with the thoughts I have circling the topic.

    Thank you!

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