Stop Expecting Loyalty From Others In 2012

Posted: March 9, 2012 by Nell in Dating, Personal, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I often hear people state, “If you don’t raise your expectations in other, you don’t have to worry about a let down.” For the most part I agree with that statement, in some instances I don’t. For example, I believe sometimes you need to be let down by certain events in order to grow. However, being let down by people is at the bottom of that list of things. I have grown to the point that I don’t expect much from people, besides respect and unfortunately in some cases that’s not even reciprocated. I come across a lot of people who become frustrated when disloyal acts are committed by people that they love or care about. I decided to touch on the topic while it was on my mind.

 

Stop Expecting Loyalty From People In 2012

The title above is serious and is not intended to provide humor. I think my generation (80’s baby) place too much emphasis on loyalty. Sure, when we were in our early childhood stage we often heard people from prior generations discuss loyalty. We saw them place loyalty very high on their list expectations from other. The villains in the gangster movies prided themselves on loyalty. Even in our own communities, loyalty was a big factor. But one thing that separates past generations from my generation and the current generation is instant gratification. It causes people to behave in a fickle manner and go from one interest to another. It’s hard to be loyal to something when you lust for and are accustomed to fast or easy satisfaction.  When you lust for instant gratification your highs are usually quick, easy, and short. Technology has blessed our generation, but it has also cursed our generation because it reduced a lot of our patience tremendously.

We don’t view people the same anymore, because of the instant gratification that we have grown accustomed to. I believe we don’t genuinely appreciate people’s time or presence anymore. We even tend to not appreciate our once favorite entertainers or loved ones until they’re dead. Why would you expect someone to be loyal to you, when they are no longer capable of being loyal to their favorite music artist, style of music, fashion sense, food, or better yet themselves?

Anyone that has been following my writing blog knows that I often write about relationships. I don’t view myself as a relationship expert, but I do have a lot of knowledge on the topic. One of the many reasons why current relationships don’t work is instant gratification. Disloyalty as a result of instant gratification probably kills more friendships and relationships than anything. Why appreciate you when I can go out and get another you? Or I can go and get another person to provide what you no longer provide well? I call it “The blown high.” In the first stages of being interested in or acquainted with someone, everything is fresh and new. For the most part, people love to take care of, acknowledge, and appreciate things that’s new. You ever notice how people are so proud to mention their new mate or friend, but then they’ll bad talk their old ones? In most cases, instant gratification plays a part. That high that the older mate or friend once provided is no longer desired, because it’s being fulfilled elsewhere. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the new person(s) is better than the old person; they’re just fresher than them.

Breakups heart and so does the loss of friendship. But the sooner you stop expecting loyalty from people, the less severe the emotional pain will be. An older adult told me a few years back, “No one belongs to you; you’re borrowing them.” At that time I understood what they were saying, but I didn’t want to believe it because I was in a relationship with a woman who I really cared about. But honestly, what the older adult told me is true. No one is your property, you’re borrowing them for an uncertain amount of time, whether that’s for a few months or until one of your lives end. Either way, they are not your property. Since they’re not your property, you can’t control their actions or emotions. Since you can’t control them and they’re not your property, you shouldn’t expect loyalty from them. Truth be told, people in today’s society tend to be fickle as a result of instant gratification and selfishness. I must admit I have fallen victim to instant gratification as well, so in no way am I stating that I’m immune to it.

I know some people are reading this and thinking, “If you don’t expect loyalty from people, why give it?” You provide loyalty, because that’s who you are. Loyalty is not an act; it’s your character. Sure some people may be more loyal to some than others, but loyalty dwells within their character. Just because you’re loyal to someone doesn’t mean that they are going to reciprocate that loyalty. Expecting loyalty because you’re loyal sets you up for a possible let down and heartbreak. Also, just because you don’t expect loyalty from others does not mean you won’t receive it.

Now of course, if you’re married to someone than yes you should expect loyalty, especially if you believe in your vows. But other than that, not expecting loyalty is a heartbreak and let down vest. If you don’t expect loyalty and someone is disloyal to you, it’s similar to a bullet hitting a vest; it may sting, but it won’t make a huge impact. By curving your expectations, you can possibly save yourself a lot of time, energy, and heartbreak.

 

Nell

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Comments
  1. E. Nixon says:

    I just lost a friend over something dumb. I expected her to be loyal to me but she was talking bad about me to my ex.

  2. Yolunda Walters says:

    Great points! It’s amazing how ppl can look @ a term or concept such as instant gratification & view it 2 different ways. Instant gratification 4 me is the desire 2 have what I want when I want it. Like a new dress or a movie or even a certain # of ppl following me on Twitter….lol! I will work hard 2 obtain what i want & I normally get it. However I do know the value of delayed gratification….victory is so much sweeter when its earned & if I want something badly enough I work hard 2 get it!

    As far as loyalty is concerned… there sew probably fewer more loyal than I. I’m hurting now over the loss of a friend & the disconnect from another. I just don’t do that! U have a friend 4 life in me UNLESS

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