The 90 Day Rule is Counterproductive [Sex]

Posted: January 26, 2012 by Nell in Dating
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Yeah I said it! I figured I would blog since I haven’t blogged in a while. I should have blogged about this topic years ago, but I didn’t. I believe I’ve touched on it a few times, but I didn’t blog about it as a topic. One thing that I will say is that I mean what I said in the title. The 90 day rule is counterproductive, because time lengths shouldn’t determine status or emotion. I’ll explain.

The 90 Day Rule is Counterproductive

The 90 day rule is when a woman waits 90 days to have sex with a man who she’s been dating or getting to know. Throughout a man’s life we encounter women that are either willing to have sex the same day that we meet them, months down the line, or some state that they don’t want to have sex till they’re married or never. I know some people are going to read the title and think that I’m speaking from a man whore’s point of view, but I’m not.

According to my understanding, the purpose of the 90 day rule is so a woman can gain respect, won’t be viewed as a slut, and this in return will eventually lead to a relationship if one isn’t already established. Those things are understandable, so why am I stating that it’s counterproductive? If respect is your goal; it is usually established within the first couple of conversations and it doesn’t take 90 days. If not being viewed as a slut is your goal; it takes consistency. There are some women that wait 90 days with one guy while dating him, but within those 90 days they’re sleeping with other guys that they’re also involved with. Subconsciously that has more of an effect on her than waiting 90 days ever will. That’s like going hard in the gym for 2 hours then hitting up Golden Corral right after, good discipline ruined by bad. If waiting until you established a relationship is your goal, that’s fair, but are you going to start the relationship on day 90 with the guy or after the two of you have sex? Your status as a sex only partner to a man is usually established day one or in the first couple of conversations.

I personally believe that the 90 day rule is counterproductive because it places a specific time length on sex instead of status determining when. Women love sex just as much as men do, if not more in some cases. I believe a man and woman should have sex whenever they’re ready. Some women are ready to have sex with a guy months prior to day 90, but they won’t because they want to stand by the rule. Contrary to what some believe, waiting 90 days for sex is not going to convince a man that he wants to be in a relationship with a woman. He will know prior to 90 days. Another reason why I believe it’s counterproductive is men will go elsewhere within those 90 days. Sex is a natural desire. You just met the guy so he’s more than likely not going to break his habit of having consistent sex while waiting 90 days to have sex with you. Sure, he’ll make you believe that he’s waiting 90 days, but while you’re day dreaming about what day 90 and beyond is going to be like, he’s already handling business with another woman. Now you have extra baggage after your 90 days because he’s more than likely still going to have sex with the women that he was sleeping with prior to you, especially if there is no relationship established after day 90. Some men will wait 90 days and not have sex with other women, especially if there is a relationship already established. But I believe it’s also counterproductive to wait 90 days if the two of you are already in a relationship. You’re resisting “your man” of what he desires in order to fulfill a rule? Not a good way to start off of a relationship. Once again the 90 day rule is a specific time length not a status. If sex is a man’s only goal with you, he’ll wait and fake 365 days if he has to. Then after that year, he’ll leave. It sounds thirsty, but it’s true and some men do it more often than you think.

I would like to know how many women have experienced honest relationship success with the 90 day rule. I want to compare those number of women to the women that have waited 90 days only for the guy to change-up after the sex or she finds out that he’s already in a relationship and other lies. I have no doubts in my mind that some women have experienced success using the 90 day rule. But I’m convinced more women have not had success using it. I hear stories of more women being screwed over by guys after the 90 days are up than women who had sex prior to it. I could be wrong, but this is based on what I continuously see and hear.

Men have different goals that we establish for different women. We can meet a woman who has all of the qualities that we desire in a girlfriend and she’ll instantly get more time and effort from us. We are not going to hold her to the same standards as a woman who only has few of those qualities. What I’m stating is no secret. Men view certain women as wife/girlfriend material and others as a sex partner or friend material. If we viewed all women as wife/girlfriend material, life would be a fairy tale. But since life is not, then we all (men and women) have to adapt to reality. Women are similar to men in reference to what I stated above. They know the difference between a friend/sex partner and husband/boyfriend material as well. It all comes down to personal needs and preferences, on both ends. The more needs than can be met by an individual, the more valuable that person is. The more valuable that person is, the more fond of them we are.

As a man, we know what category we want to place a woman in within the first couple of days of conversing or spending time with her. Her actions determine whether her status with us improves or declines. We’ll meet women that have most of the qualities that we desire in a woman and she’ll do something disrespectful or unattractive to ruin it, or we’ll find out that she has a negative history with men, and then we’ll lose interest. More than likely, the reason why we’ll lose interest won’t be because she slept with us prior to 90 days. As a man I’ll admit, a woman having sex with you on the first day of knowing you will raise a red flag. But that doesn’t instantly kick her out of the potential girlfriend category as some may say, depending on where and how you met her (another blog within itself). If she has the other qualities that the guy desires, he’ll still be intrigued and interested in establishing more with her.

Women are placed in the sex only category because  she either placed herself there or the guy never intended for her to be more than a sex partner in the first place. Either way, she’s there because she doesn’t have most of the qualities that he desires in a mate. So it’s true, if you don’t have the qualities that a man desires in a mate, you’re not going to be his girlfriend whether you wait to have sex with him 2 days, 90 days, 365 days, or years. I know some women that have waited 6 months to a year to have sex with guys and those guys still only wanted to be sex partners. 90 days doesn’t change much in terms of our (men) outlook. It doesn’t take 90 days to figure out whether a woman has the qualities that we desire in a mate or not.

I’m not encouraging women to have sex with men prior to 90 days. Women should have sex when they’re ready. If she feels that she’s ready prior to 90 days, then I believe she should do it. Some women do not want to have sex until they have established a relationship or marriage. I have no problem with that either. But notice, there are no specific time limits on those two. They’re all about status and emotion, not a specific time length. I think someone stating “I will make you my boyfriend/girlfriend in 50 days” is corny. I feel the same way about putting a time limit on sex, but that’s my opinion.

People will read this and automatically assume that I’m the typical guy that’s looking to find reasons for women to go out and have sex with guys quick and early before they desire. Sure I’ll get called a misogynist as always when I speak on topics like this. My reasoning is not with the intent to harm or insult. It’s not going to get me more panties thrown my way. It’s not going to make the women that I associate with have sex with me quicker. I didn’t write this to diss Steve Harvey’s opinion or his products. He’s not the first person that mentioned the 90 day rule. I’ve been hearing about it since I was a teenager. No, my opinion is not based on the doctor scene in the movie “Friends with benefits,” although it does help prove my point. I’m not encouraging men to be whores or choose whores. I’m not looking for co-signs from men either. I’m just saying what I know based on the experiences of myself and others.



  1. I’ve never heard of anyone following this rule. It seems pretty silly.


  2. E. Nixon says:

    Umm. I will admit I tried it with a few guys and it doesn’t work. They become bigger jerks. Now I don’t have sex at all lmao. I kid but its better spontaneously done.

  3. keshia says:

    Very good! Many women I’m sure did not think of the counterpart. Is it possible that a woman wants to wait 90days to see where the relationship is headed? She might want to make sure that Guy or relationship is worth the time before adding to her number of sex partners.

  4. Tay210 says:

    Like you mentioned it depends on the man views of the woman. Time spent conversing with her will determine whether or not the man feels she is worth waiting for. The majority (unfortunately) of women taking heed to this rule are women who men have already put in a “sex only” category. A rule is not necessary when its apart of your character. If your character demands time and patience, a man won’t mind waiting.

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