Posted: October 26, 2011 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , ,

What up. Over the weekend I was conversing with someone who was telling me that I should consider being a relationship expert. While I take that as a compliment, I don’t want to be a relationship expert. I’m a writer that so happened to write one relationship book and now some people believe I consider myself a relationship expert. Those are clearly the people who didn’t read my book, because the book wasn’t written from an expert’s point of view. At this point in my life I’m not interested in becoming a relationship expert. Maybe once I grow more in terms of relationship and actually master a successful long-term relationship, I will pursue that, but for now it doesn’t hold my interest.

I decided to hit the blog again. I had a couple of topics in mind, but I decided to choose one that isn’t talked about much. When I’m on the net or out in public, I always hear men and women complaining about the opposite sex. The amazing thing is you barely see people take accountability for any negative thing that has happened between them and the opposite sex. With that said, I decided to write about it. This blog post has nothing to do with the picture above, but it got your attention didn’t it?


When I was younger in late teens and early 20’s, I would never take accountability for the mishaps in any of my past relationships. I always blamed my ex girlfriends for our relationship failure.  It was the thing to do. Every time I met a new girl and she asked me why I was single, my response would always be the same “Because my ex girlfriend played too many games.” I look back and laugh at it now, because it got me so many passes with women back then. I’m assuming that it was part of growing up. As I got older, I realized that even if an ex girlfriend of mine was the reason for our breakup, I still placed the blame on my shoulders. Why? Because I allowed certain things in those relationships to take place. Usually things that cause breakups are repetitive, so if you allow things to go uncorrected, then usually continues. Some things such as cheating and physical abuse are sometimes not. Some people actually leave the first time either one of those things happen.

Now when people ask me why am I single, I give them a reason, but I don’t direct it towards my ex and I won’t. Because the truth is my ex girlfriends have nothing to do with me not being in a relationship. We’re not together, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not millions of other women out there that I can choose from. There was something great in every woman who I’ve ever dated, and at that time I saw it. Now on the other hand if they blame me for the failure of our relationship, I can care less. I’ll take that blame, because nine times out of ten, I probably was the reason. No lie, I had some great girlfriends, minus a few.

In reference to your ex, always maintain a positive attitude. Take accountability for things going bad between the two of you, because even if bad things happened between you two, you still played a part in things going sour. Even if you were the victim, you allowed it, and that is as much of a crime as committing the crime is. These days, you hardly ever see anyone being held accountable for past relationship failures. Too many times people give victims a pat on the back, but sometimes that need a little scolding. But I guess the burden of being the victim is far easier to cope with than being the culprit. But taking accountability still shouldn’t be avoided. It’s too much of feeling sorry for people going on, which is why they continue to leave Facebook and Twitter status updates on the internet dissing their ex. They want you to feel sorry for them and diss their ex along with them, but instead some of them also need to be held accountable.

Reality is, accountability is the only way to move forward. Placing blame on your ex only keeps the baggage of those experiences traveling with you. I was once told that dissing your ex makes you look worst than your ex. To hold yourself accountable is to lack pride. Being a victim only gets in the way of you completely moving on.

Are we too prideful that we refuse to admit that we chose the wrong person in the past for a mate? Are we too prideful to admit that we played a part in the failure of our past relationships? That’s what it seems like. Too many victims and not enough culprits.


Darnell R. Mckinnon


Feel free to add me on Facebook:

Or Subscribe to receive updates for new blog post by clicking the “Follow” button in the bottom corner of this page.

  1. Marsha says:

    Good job Darnell. I notice this one has no comments but your other blogs do. Probably because you hit some soft spots. Too many times I see rants on the FB by my peeps. I love this and I’m sharing.

  2. Tay210 says:

    Thanks Mr. Relationship expert! …lol.. Im just kidding
    But on the topic of accountability I wish you would go a little deeper with it! Speak about accountability in relationships. I will love to read you elaborate on that!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s