Being down on yourself after getting dumped for someone else

Posted: September 8, 2011 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , , ,

So many people do this. Now, if you’re the cause of getting dumped for someone else because of infidelity, lying, abuse, or anything of that nature, then being down on yourself and feeling a little guilt is understandable. But if that weren’t the case and  you were dumped by your mate for someone else, don’t get down on yourself. Let me explain why I think you shouldn’t.

“Your new mate is NOT better than me, they’re just a better fit for you than me.”

I was conversing with someone the other day and they were telling me that in this current society, most breakups are amicable because this is a fast paced instant gratification world that we currently live in, so both mates are usually more than happy to move on to the next. While there may be some truth to that statement, I disagreed. There’s always someone between former mates that tend to take the breakup harder than the other. Whether they’re feeling a little scorned or heartbroken, one of them usually takes it harder.

In this blog, I am going to explain my reasoning behind the quote that I wrote above. That quote holds more power than it may seem and it will assist some people who are going through the issue of being dumped for someone else. The quote came to me first thing this morning, after I woke up. I don’t know if the quote belongs to someone else, but its a good one, so I decided to write about it. No I haven’t recently been dumped for someone else, but there is someone who may come across this blog that has.

 

Being down on yourself after getting dumped for someone else

Let’s be realistic, when you get dumped it initially attacks two things; your ego and pride. When your ego and pride are attacked as a result of being dumped for someone else, it also attacks your mind and trust. All kinds of things began to go through your mind. “Were they dating while we were still in a relationship?” “What can they provide that I don’t?” “They must be better than me, because I got dumped for them.” While the first thought may be true, you shouldn’t really look too deep into the other thoughts.

The best way to view getting dumped for someone else is to realize that your ex’s new mate is not a better person than you, but they may be a better fit for your ex than you were. That’s nothing to get down on yourself about and if you view the situation from a logical standpoint, you will understand why. If your mate leaves you for someone else, they’re actually doing the both of you a huge favor. It saves you the hassle of being with someone who doesn’t truly desire to be with you. Too many people view their ex’s new mate as being better than them, as a whole. That’s false! I would like those people to know they’re not better than you, they may just be better at providing specific things for your ex at that current time. Maybe you’re a homebody, but your ex wanted someone that’s into nightlife and partying. Maybe your affectionate, but your ex wanted someone who’s more standoff-ish. Maybe you’re goofy, but your ex wanted someone that’s more serious. Whatever it may be, its honestly nothing to get down on yourself about. It doesn’t mean that you’re less valuable as a person than your ex’s new mate.

Unless you’re a complete lame with no ambition or desire to accomplish anything in life, there are people out there that have similar interest as you and would be a better match with you than your ex was. There’s even someone out there for the people who lack ambition and desire. Often times, people become discouraged when finding or choosing a new mate. They tend to look at the statement “There’s someone out there for everyone,” as a quote for a charity case and not someone who has the ability to attract numerous potential mates, but that’s also false. The statement is not for charity cases; its for everyone. The statement isn’t “There’s someone out there for charity cases!” Some people believe their ex was the best match for them and no one else in their city, state, country, or this world can match with them better than their ex did. That’s false! You will find someone that’s a better fit for you than your ex was once you embrace them. There’s only one way to embrace a potential mate:

Get over your old one. To get over being dumped by your ex-mate, you have to believe in the quote that was used at the beginning of this blog post. “Your new mate is NOT better than me, they’re just a better fit for you than me.” Do not smash out car windows, put your ex and their personal business on blast over the internet, put sugar in the gas tank, and all of the other crazy things that people do. The best way to get through this painful process is to cope with it by working on yourself.  Work towards becoming a better person, which in return will help you heal and also come to the realization that your ex’s new mate is not better than you, but a better fit. The key is to be able to view getting dumped from a logical standpoint and not an emotional one. The only way that you can get a clear logical understanding, is to remove emotions from your thought. Don’t compare yourself to your ex’s new mate, just remind yourself of all the positive things that you have accomplished in life and currently have going for yourself. Remember, just because the new mate may be a better fit for your ex, it doesn’t mean you got the raw end of the deal.

Some people may view this post as common knowledge, but some of my readers may not be aware that kids do view my blog. Although this may be common knowledge for most, it’s not common knowledge for all. This post is for males and females. Often times as males, we pretend like getting dumped by a female doesn’t affect us. But for majority of males, there’s always that one female that brings you more pain when a toothache when she dumps you. It’s usually the one that you feel you invested in the most. But all in all, male or female, if you can get to the point where you view getting dumped for someone else from a logical standpoint instead of an emotional one, you’ll be able to move on completely minus the bitter feeling or heartache.

 

Nell

 

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Comments
  1. historicallybrownandrandom says:

    Damn I could’ve used this years ago im highschool

  2. cindyizjazzie says:

    So true. As women, unfortunately most of us have competitive personalities. Even though we may know that the ex weren’t right for us, it’s only the nature of a woman to feel some kind of way towards the new female. But… We must sit back and analyze things and realize exactly what u wrote in this article. Well said!

  3. Jessica says:

    thank you for this, it really helped 🙂 my partner left me for his ex wife last night, and i havent been dealing with it too well, but reading this did help thank u xox

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