Why Advice From Friends Can Ruin Your Current or Potential Relationship

Posted: August 26, 2011 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , , , ,

Were you ever in a relationship or dating situation and one of your friends had nothing but negative things to say about them? Sometimes, it’s always the same friend that has something to say about anyone that you ever dated or attempted to date. Other times, that friend feels the need to pick and choose their favorites out of all the people who you’ve been involved with. This blog is about them.

I haven’t written a blog post in a while. I’ve been taking care of some business, but I figured I will pop up and write another post. I decided to write this post because I always hear people nagging and complaining about how they don’t like they’re mate’s friend(s). Either I’m hearing that complaint or I’m reading on my timeline (twitter) or wall post (facebook) about  people not liking the “loser” or “lame” that their friend decided to get involved with. Now, while friends are supposed to be there to have your back and keep you out of harms way, whether physical or emotional; some of them inflict more harm than they protect you from. Here’s why:

Why Advice from friends can ruin your current or potential relationship

Everyone is not qualified to give relationship advice. Some people may even think that I’m not qualified. I know a few people personally that doesn’t know anything about me from an intimate stance, but they insist that I have no clue  of what I’m speaking on. You think I care? Of course not. I continue to lend advice, because as I always state, if I have legit knowledge about something I’m going to share it. The reason why I stated that some people are not qualified is because wisdom is needed more than assumptions or guessing when lending relationship advice. Wisdom usually provides facts and solutions. There are people who have never been in a successful, happy, or lengthy relationship that are giving advice. For me personally, I always get my best relationship advice from people who are older than me by 15 plus years. They share great relationship advice with me. Sometimes I receive advice from my peers, but its rare. I may take a pointer from them here and there, but never advice that will determine if my relationship survives or not.

I hate to say it, but some women are receiving marriage or relationship advice from hoes and women that can’t stand men. Some men are receiving marriage or relationship advice from whores and men that have not and will not ever get married, nor do they want to ever get married. All in all, you have to be careful with who you get relationship advice from.

Some people tend to believe that friends give the best relationship advice. I strongly disagree. Your friends are usually going to give you advice from a bias perspective. When it comes to your friends, they’re usually bias to your benefit only. If your current or potential mate does not cater to your friend’s ego or liking, they’re usually not going to be approved of by your friend. I remember I was dating a nice young lady a few years back and one of her female friends always had slick and snide comments to say about me. The only thing that her friend knew about me was whatever the girl that I was dating told her about me, because her friend and I didn’t associate on a regular basis. Her friend would tell her that I’m probably involved with other women, that she thought she saw me out with another woman, and basically all of these other assumptions; no facts. As time went on, the girl and I never was able to progress our dating into a relationship because she took advice from her friend to heart. A few years later we shared a conversation and she stated that she’s not friends with the girl anymore because she slept with her most recent ex boyfriend.

I found that interesting, because I hear stories like that often from people. The one friend that dislikes your mate to the point that it’s almost a disdain, is usually the same friend that would attempt to sleep with your mate if given the opportunity. Watch out for any friends that always talk down on your mate if they’re doing nothing wrong. These type of situations happens often and the person in the middle gets hurt sometimes even though they were initially trying to play the peace maker between their friend and their mate.

Three types of friends to be careful with receiving advice from. In my opinion, you shouldn’t receive advice from any of these friends:

  1. The Clingy friend– This is the friend that always wants to be in your presence. They want to know ALL things about your relationship or hookups, and I mean ALL. They want to know what your conversations are about, how much is being spent on dates, how good the sex is (warning), and other things of that nature. They consider themselves to be your right hand and come across as having your best interest at heart 100% of the time, but it can be a facade. Be very careful when receiving relationship advice from this type of friend. They won’t necessarily attempt to sleep with your mate; then again maybe they will. But they will be more than likely to disapprove of your current or potential mate before any of your other friends would. Why? Because the person that you’re dating is taking their time away from being in your presence. That usually sparks jealousy, which in return sparks bad advice. Taking advice from them is like a dog taking advice from a cat in reference to being a dog. They’re always going to side with you, even if you’re wrong, which can be detrimental for any relationship.
  2. The Jealous friend – Let’s not act like these type of friends don’t exist. The jealous friend is the one that displays jealousy towards you in a subliminal or direct manner. They make slick or snide comments behind your back or to others about you. Sometimes they even state them directly to you. Deep down inside, your jealous friend does not like you. On the outside they wish you success and happiness, but on the inside they wish you’ll break a leg; literally. I know A LOT of people with friends like this, but they won’t wake up and smell the coffee.I don’t believe that the jealous friend should even be considered a friend, but most people have at least one in their circle. It’s bad to get relationship advice from the jealous friend, because as I previously stated, they really don’t want to see you happy. Your current or potential mate can be the best fit for you out of everyone in the world, but your jealous friend will still find something wrong with them. This is the friend that usually makes snide remarks during weddings or after receiving news about engagements. THIS…IS…THE…FRIEND…that’s more than likely to sleep with your mate. Avoid receiving advice from them.
  3. The Miserable friend – A while back I was featured as a guest blogger on a relationship blog and I did a post titled “Ms. Miserable.” The Ms. Miserable post was about the one female that’s miserable and doesn’t want her friends to be happy in their relationship. Well, Ms. Miserable could also be Mr. Miserable. Misery has no gender, especially in the relationship world. The miserable friend is usually always single and somehow has a problem with every person that they attempt to date. These are the people who always holler “N*****/b***** ain’t sh**” and things of that nature. The only time they’re happy is when there friend is going through some relationship drama that they can speak on. Why should you avoid advice from the miserable friend? That’s a common sense answer. The miserable friend is never going to give you sound advice unless its sound in negativity. I had a friend like this before. Their advice is usually filled with assumptions and baggage from their past dating encounters. The miserable friend will also probably attempt to sleep with your mate if given the opportunity as well. Why? Because they want you to be miserable along with them. You know the saying, “Misery loves company!”

 

I hope you enjoyed the blog. I will be back for more in the future. Feel free to leave your feedback, subscription, ask questions, or share opinions.

 

Darnell R. Mckinnon

 

To purchase my books visit the links below:

 

The L Factor (Part 1)- Find out what Quality men REALLY want

 

Tug of Conflict- Young men and their battle against the rebellious lifestyle

 

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Comments
  1. nice post..very true; specially jealous friends but i think it’s good to hear for friends cause when u in love u don’t see the other flaws ..but with considering what u said .. it’s very important ,too 😉
    9B

  2. keshia says:

    Excellent & very true & I think We may all have friends like this. These friends are very poisonous! Many women will find it hard not to tell their friends their relationship issues because women talk.

  3. Erica T says:

    Nice post as always! Definitely good advice and a word to the wise. Some friends are truly having the best at heart whether is it for or against the friend but more so we have those types of “friends” who try to tell you what you WANT to hear vs. what you NEED to hear. It is always good to get “advice” or opinions but in the end…follow your heart!

    “E” from Cincy

  4. […] to write on this subject for years. Back in 2011 I wrote something similar in reference to the possibilities friends ruining your relationship. This time around I decided to speak on it again. I think it’s very imperative for people to […]

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