You Finish How You Start

Posted: August 18, 2010 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , , ,

What up people! I’ve been noticing something as of late on the net. It’s all of these annoying little studies that people are conducting on men and women. Recently I saw a post on the net in reference to men being more likely to cheat on a woman who makes more money. In my opinion, if you believe that these studies are valid then you’re very gullible. Do not, DO NOT let these studies get into your mental. They will ruin your future and current opinion of the opposite sex. Studies are conducted by Universities and some websites based on a certain group of people. The issue that I have is that you cannot categorize a whole gender or race by a specimen of people and expect to get an 100% confirmation. A group of people does not account for all people. For some reason people continue to overlook individuality.

Now, for some reason some people believe that I’m a relationship expert or guru, but I’m not. I’m just a dude that has some knowledge that I like to share with people who I know. If it catches the attention of the rest of the world, then I’m all for it. However, I’m no expert! Other than shaking my head at the studies, I’ve been enjoying myself. It’s time to put in extra time because my book will officially be released in a few months. If you want the book, it’s available right now. Just send me a message at author@thelfactorbook.com. Some people have the actual book in their possession right now. Pre-release!

You Finish How You Start

You ever had someone who you considered yourself being in a relationship with? I use the word considered because you believed that the two of you were a couple or at least headed towards being one. However, somewhere down the line the whole idea of you two being in a relationship became obsolete. Ask yourself this question, how did your involvement with that person start? Chances are your start with that person was a similar reflection of your end with that person.

For some reason, people strongly believe that they have the strength to change others. They waste valuable time by time so and then choose to play the victim role. What do I mean when I state “You finish how you start?”

I will use a male example and a female example.

Female Example:

Let’s say you’re a female and you meet a guy or you know a guy that you could see yourself being in a relationship with. You never get the opportunity to express that you want to be in a relationship with him. You and the guy begin spending time with each other. That time spent together eventually leads to sex. So now the two of you are having sex and you become closer. You begin to put time and effort into this guy because you believe that eventually it will pay off and you will fulfill your desire of being in a relationship with him. The two of you finally start having conversations about a promising future together, but those conversations don’t amount to it actually happening. Weeks pass, months pass, and sometimes years pass, but still no sight of a relationship. You begin to get a false sense of entitlement when it comes to him, because you have put so much time and energy into this guy that you have created a habit of trying to convince yourself that you two will be a couple sooner than later. That’s when the drama starts. Other women begin to claim him, arguments happen, and the rest is history.

Here’s where you went wrong:

Although you mentioned that you wanted to be in a relationship in the beginning, did you stress to the guy that you wanted to work towards a relationship with HIM? One huge mistake that some women make when they meet a guy is that they express that they’re looking for a relationship, but sometimes they don’t mention that they don’t want to work towards a relationship with him specifically. Some women do this because they don’t want to come off as being desperate or pushy, but this creates a gap in communication. When dealing with men, you have to be specific about your desires. His reaction will be one of three things. If you establish this in the beginning he will either leave you alone, work towards a relationship with you and eventually make you his woman, or lie to you. Make sure that BOTH of you agree on working towards a relationship, not just you. Let’s be realistic some guys lie just like some women do, but as a man nothing’s more annoying than having a jumpoff that doesn’t know that she’s a jumpoff. That false sense of entitlement that she displays can become a headache. This is a result of not being upfront and honest with her. That’s why more men should start practicing being upfront in the beginning as well. Although some women are made aware in the beginning and still believe that they can change their title from jumpoff to girlfriend; it’s not gonna happen. I’m gonna be honest with y’all, as a man it’s hard to view a woman that you make into a consistent sex partner as being your future girlfriend or wife. It’s hard!

Ok, let’s say that you and the guy both established and agreed that you wanted to work towards a relationship, but he didn’t live up to the agreement. The flaw lies on the both you. Yes, both of you! In my opinion, time equals actions, meaning if I’m giving you my time, then you need to show me actions. Time is valuable, and if you’ve been dealing with a guy for months and years and haven’t got what you wanted, chances are you’re not going to get what you set out to get in the beginning. If you want to be in a relationship with a man, avoid being a jumpoff, having a team, and avoid getting placed in the friendzone aka “that’s my homegirl.” Nothing’s wrong with sex if the two of you agree on the same things. Hey people are adults. I don’t believe in the 90 day rule stuff because if he sees potential in you on day 1 as only being a jumpoff, you will be the same on day 90 and after.

If you’re a dude and you let a woman put you in the friendzone aka “he’s cool with me,” IT’S A WRAP! Men know deep down inside that there’s no getting out of this zone officially. Personally, I know of ways to get out of a woman’s friendzone, but I won’t put them on here. For the average male, if you get thrown in the friendzone, you’re staying there unless she’s extremely horny or bored. You have to take it how it is.

Male Example:

You meet a female that you wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with. You instantly show your admiration for her by going out of your way to impress her. You get so caught up in trying to impress her that you forget to express your interest. Maybe you’re too shy to tell her. Maybe you feel as though she’ll reject you. You continue to try to impress her believing that she will eventually take notice of it. You’re there whenever she needs someone to talk to. You’re there whenever she has issues with family and friends. If she needs money, you give it to her. Basically whatever she needs you provide it. That’s cool, but you’re slowly placing in the homeboy zone. She begins to tell you about her involvements with other guys and you lend your advice believing that if things don’t work with her and the other guys, she will want to be with you. Weeks, months and sometimes years go by and you have finally build up the courage to let her know that you would like to be in a relationship with her. She responds and say’s “awww, why didn’t you let me know in the beginning, I look at you as a friend or cool people now. I wouldn’t wanna mess up our friendship.”

Here’s where you went wrong:

You didn’t establish that you were interested in being with her in the beginning. If you agreed to be a platonic friend knowing that you truly wanted to work towards a relationship with her you’re just setting yourself up for a major headache. Don’t get me wrong, there are some guys that are interested in being PLATONIC friends with an attractive female because maybe he wants to use her as bait to gain other women or has a crush on one of her homegirls. However, there are a lot of dudes who are platonic friends with females, but if they had their way, that female would be their woman. To avoid this, establish your interest in the woman verbally and physically in the beginning.

If you were just a jumpoff in the beginning, chances are things will end with you being one. If you were a platonic friend in the beginning, chances are you will end being one. There are some exceptions to this, but not many. Stop wasting your time and expecting change. The start/beginning normally creates habits that exist until the end/finish, so if you created a habit of being his jumpoff or being her platonic friend, things are more than likely to remain that way. You finish how you start and if you want to be in a relationship with someone, please establish that in the beginning. Make sure that the two of you AGREE that you’re working towards one. If you do not, don’t play the victim role or be surprised when it all goes bad. If you want something with a specific person, let it be known and established upfront. You finish how you start!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

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www.thelfactorbook.com

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Comments
  1. Keshia says:

    This Blog is very helpful it helps shed light to us all about why some of our relationships/encounters have ended like they do. It is a very good point to be honest about your intentione with that person up front!!!! Yes you may be scared or worried about what they say but in the end it will save you a lot of time and most importantly a lot of heartache. I purchased your book the other day and Im excited to read it =)

  2. Tricia says:

    Good one great one excellent one. This is my new favorite one

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