The Anti-Gentleman

Posted: June 16, 2010 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , ,

I know some of you are reading this thinking “What is this dude talking about?” The title is not only catchy, but it relates to the mindset of a lot of guys in today’s society. Is the “gentleman” embraced by the majority of females anymore? Matter of fact, how many guys want to be a gentleman?

The Anti-Gentleman

I know some people think that I’m a little over the top with my questions that I asked above, but honestly they’re good questions. I decided to do this blog after a few conversations with a couple of fellas. I always write based off of the experiences of me and others. But anyways, we were talking and everybody was stating how they have had more success with females by using the straight-forward “I just wanna hit it and nothing else” approach than the gentleman approach. I’m not stating that being a gentleman isn’t cool, nor am I stating that being a gentleman is a negative thing. However, I am going to speak from the view points of most males in my age range (I’m in my mid 20’s) and a plethora of them are anti-gentlemen. But there’s a reason…

Honestly, most guys rather take the anti-gentleman approach with females rather than the gentleman approach. They’re not acting this way for no reason either. Whether it’s considered to be valid or not, they’re actually acting this way because they believe that it creates a better reaction from the females than being a gentleman would. Some of you ladies may be thinking “He has to be referring to those hood rat girls, he can’t be referring to a classy lady.” Honestly, there are women of all status and class that are less receptive to the gentleman approach than the anti-gentleman. NOT ALL WOMEN! So whether you believe it or not, a lot of guys are anti-gentleman because of the reaction that they receive when they behave in that manner.

In my book Tug of Conflict, a few Chapters in the book refer to showing young men appreciation for doing what’s considered to be right and you’ll more than likely receive more positive actions out of them. The same relates to adult men. I hear some females holler “I want a good man, where are the good men at?” But the moment they come across one that respects them and behaves like a gentleman, they find a reason to end things with him. “Oh he’s boring,” “He’s too nice,” or “He doesn’t have enough edge, I need a guy with more edge.” Now, it is possible to have edge and be a gentleman, but a lot of guys are not aware of that because they weren’t taught that. In a lot of guy’s minds, the word gentlemen means gentle, polite, and soft. We all know women respect strength, power, and rough sometimes.

A lot of guys are gonna feel me on this. Situational setting here: Say I met a female that I really like. I’m interested in getting to know her better and I’m not trying to have sex with her right off the back, out of respect and wanting to see what else she’s about. She invites me over to her place. I decide to just take things easy with her and enjoy the evening without having sex. Maybe a little massage, kissing, and so on and so forth. Things get hot, but I tell her that I respect her and want to wait until we get to know each other better.

Now, 9 times out of 10 I’m either going to be the victim of 1 of 2 assumptions once she makes that infamous phone call to her girl-friends. Either she’s going to 1.) Call her friends, tell them that I’m a good catch, and that I may be the one OR she’s going to 2.) Call her friends and tell them that she thinks I may be gay, because I turned down her goods.

A lot of guys believe that a female is going to choose the latter. Normally after #2 a woman will look at a guy different after he turns her goods down, and not in a good way either. So they figure “Why not go for the kill?” The reason is because a lot of females are so used to guys going for the kill on the first day. Let’s be honest, there are also a lot of women who are more than willing to give up their goods on the first day. That leaves the gentleman in a tough predicament. Honestly ladies, how many of you were ever involved with a dude that put your goods on hold in order to get to know you better first?

The reason why a lot of dudes are not doing that is because they feel that they will not be embraced and appreciated if they be a gentleman and tell you that he’s going to wait until he knows you better. I’m gonna let you all in on something. Most guys do what you all (females) expect them to do. Some of my official cats out here do what they want to do because they’re firm in their own identity, but there are a lot of guys that either do what females expect them to do or what they believe females want them to do.

So how do females get more guys to behave like gentlemen in today’s society? Embrace and show appreciation for their actions when they behave like gentlemen. I know some of you women are wondering “Why do we have to embrace and show appreciation in order for guys to be gentlemen, it should be a given.” You have the right to believe that, but a lot of guys don’t see it like that. A lot of guys are rewarded more for being the anti-gentleman than the gentleman in today’s society. So unless the way that majority of females demand to be treated changes, a lot of guys will continue to do it. Since it’s so many females who are receptive of the anti-gentleman approach, other females more than likely will get approached by a guy who uses it. Being the realist that I am, realistically the majority of men are not going to become gentlemen because the majority of women are not going to demand and embrace it. The only way it will change as a whole is if the majority women embrace the gentleman approach.

I’m not making excuses for guys. Yes, there are guys who need to find themselves and get their lives together. But the same can be said about both genders. It takes participation from both parties, because in order for it to be practiced continuous, it has to be accepted and embraced. I’m not going to do the “more guys than females” or “more females than males” comparison because honestly room for improvement is for both.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

I FINALLY have everything situated with my book “The L Factor Part 1” and I’m already doing the concept for part 2. Be sure to stop by the site, I will make the purchase links active soon!



  1. Stacy says:

    Hey Darnell, someone at my job was discussing this a few days ago. Its soooo true

  2. Jennifer says:

    Very Good Blog, in all aspects very true!!

  3. Keshia says:

    Great Blog Darnell…It’s a shame that at times women do not even realize what we are doing to our men when we send mix messages. There are some women who want the “thug” as well as for him to be the “gentleman” For years women have screamed they want the Thug and now they realize that the THUGS were not all they were cracked up to be and now they want the men to be gentlemen & treat them like a lady when these were the same men they dissed to be w/the thug. Ladies as a whole we need to start appreciating the good quality men.

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