Is The Grass Greener On The Other Side?

Posted: May 26, 2010 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , ,

So I said that I wasn’t going to write a blog post until my book The L Factor drops (Click Here to check out the site.) It’s obvious that I’m not good at keeping my word about staying away from something that I love to do. The book is coming, but there are some other important things that need to be done before I decide to put it out there. I’m enjoying this time in between the release though and hopefully the blog keeps you all interested and wanting more as well.

I was having the conversation with a couple of cats the other day. We were discussing moments in time where we missed out on a good chick because we thought that the grass was greener on the other side of the relationship that we were in. It’s funny, because when you get your mind hyped on the grass being greener on the other side, every small issue that takes place in your relationship and every small flaw that your mate has becomes magnified. You begin to instantly place one foot in the relationship and the other foot out. The one foot that’s in begins to lean towards being out because the curiosity of the grass being greener pushes you that way.

I have yet to have a situation where I left my girl for another woman and it turned out better. Things may have started off better, but sooner than later I realized that things were the same or worst, minus a few upgrades. So she may have looked better, but her attitude was worse. She may have been more financially stable and established, but she was dumb as rocks. At the end of the day it’s always a risk being taken when you live by the “Grass is greener on the other side” quote. The grass being greener can often be tempting, but the risk involved usually outweigh the reward.

“You think the grass look greener on the other side, but it’s dyed.”- Joe Budden “Downfall”

Is the Grass Greener on the other side?

One thing that I have come to realize in reference to human beings is that you only get a “face value” glance of who they are in the beginning stages of knowing them. As humans, we have a way of protecting our selves whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. In order to stop embarrassments and insecurities from being out in the open, most humans will put up a smoke screen. The smoke screen is the dye in the situation. A smoke screen is an identity that someone uses to cover up who they truly are. I don’t know too many people who will put up a smoke screen that’s worse than their true identity. That smoke screen is what impresses the people who believe in the grass is greener quote. Honestly, I haven’t heard one person state that they left their mate for another person and things worked out perfectly. If things did work out well with the new person, most of them made it work no matter how bad their new relationship was in order to enhance their cover up and avoid making their selves look stupid.

If you’re human and sane, you should always be looking for an upgrade in life and relationships. However, many people look for relationship upgrades while they’re already in a relationship. Above I stated that the risk in doing so outweighs the reward and here’s why:

When you and your mate have been involved in a relationship for a while, majority of the smokescreens are usually removed. You begin to learn everything about them, from their reactions to certain things, their “true” likes and dislikes, their personality traits, and their character. In other words, you learn their true identity. This automatically sparks disagreements amongst the two of you because of course as humans many of us are different. The two of you are bound to disagree on things because there are no more smoke screens present. More than likely, the two of you do not have 100% identical life experiences and upbringings so you may not look at certain things the same. Some of those things that the two of you look at differently may cause disagreements or create a lack of understanding.

I always laugh at people when they state things about someone new that has their interest. They often state things like “Oh we click and get along so well,” or “We have so much to talk about, there’s never a dull moment.” Or the infamous “I’m really feeling them because it’s no drama or arguments.” Of course it’s not any arguments or drama, because the two of you are too busy trying to please each other and leave a good impression, all while hiding the true identity of your emotions and dislikes. You click, because you’re supposed to click. Smokescreen+Smokescreen= Click! It’s so much to talk about because the two of you hardly know the “true” identity of each other. And there’s never a dull moment as a result of not knowing the true identity.

But…sooner than later, the true colors of the both of you will emerge. This is when you begin to have doubts about the grass being greener on the other side. After you reach the level of doubt where you and “the new interest” personalities begin to clash, you begin to compare them with your current mate. This all produces a double fail. Your mate begins to become unhappy because of your constant nagging, arguing, and bickering about the small things that they do, which is all caused by you being delusional as a result of your belief in the grass being greener. Sooner than later, your “new interest” begins to stray away as well because you seem indecisive. Hence why I state that the risk outweighs the reward of living by this quote.

As stated, we chase upgrades in life often, especially when the opportunity is there. However, something that looks like an upgrade from the outside is not always an upgrade. I’m pro-upgrade in life and I believe that everyone else should be as well. But trying to upgrade while being involved can be a huge mistake. Now, I am not stating that you should not leave your mate if things are not fixable or if the bond has been completely broken. However, don’t leave your mate for someone else over small things that you magnify into big issues. I know people who search for and find issues in their relationships and magnify their mate’s flaws just so they can leave and be with the new interest.

Smoke Screens (dye) inhibit you from seeing the true identity of your potential “new interest.” So, if you’re one of the people who live by “The grass is greener on the other side” quote, be very careful because green grass might eventually make you itch!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

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Comments
  1. heydev says:

    What you say is true! Also many times people view the grass as greener because they realize that they deserve greener grass.

  2. Keshia says:

    This was an excellent blog…glad to see you back in the swing of things Darnell.I think everyone has falling victim to the grass is greener on the other side quote. Many of us put up “smoke screens” early on in the relationship to impress that person but eventually as always everyone’s true colors and intentions will emerge.

  3. Rakia says:

    Very true, and not just men… Women as well. A new man approaches them and promises them the moon and stars, only to fall victim and become a statistic. Which is the Bitter Black Woman.

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