A False Sense of Entitlement

Posted: May 7, 2010 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , ,

Were you ever involved with someone and believed that the two of you were in a relationship, but you found out that you were the only one feeling that way? Are you dating someone and you’re monogamous, but they’re not? There are people who believe that they are in a committed relationship with someone, but their partner does not believe the same. You’re only a team when you and your partner are playing the same game by the same rules. Anything less than that should not be considered a team or an item.

Maybe you believe that you two are an item, and they believe that you two are only good friends. Maybe you believe that they’re your future husband or wife, meanwhile they only see you as a sex partner who provides affection. Or it might be that you’re just a confidant to them, while all along you believe that you’re the one because they reveal so much to you. Everyone has different definitions of dating, so if your definition does not match with your partner’s, good luck! Everyone doesn’t play fair in reference to dating these days. In fact, most people have different definitions of what dating means to them. I know some people who believe that dating means to be monogamous and basically a couple, and I know some people whose definition of dating means still single, but having relations with others. If your definition of dating means to be in a monogamous situation, and your partner’s definition is not, then you are bound to experience a false sense of entitlement.

A false sense of entitlement can stem from a breakdown in communication. I always discuss communication on my blogs because believe it or not it’s very serious. Communication is important to me because people’s desires are too fickle. Communication builds all things, and kills all thing. There are still many people who believe that their partner should not be their #1 confidant. They rather talk to their friends, family, pastors, and basically anyone else besides their partner about their feelings and desires. Some people fail to realize that their partner should be their #1 confidant, and their relationship crashes. However, that’s another blog within itself.

Here is the issue in reference to not being on the same page as your dating mate. If someone does not state “verbally” that the two of you are officially in a monogamous relationship with each other, then always be aware that they have the ability to date anyone besides you at any given moment, and it won’t be any guilt felt in their heart because they’re single.

I often hear people crying and becoming angry stating things like “Oh they play games, I don’t have time for games,” or “They’re playing with my heart, and they’re a liar.” Reality is no matter how much someone tells you that the two of you will be a monogamous couple or that you two will get married, you’re still not entitled to them until it’s made official. Let’s be honest, there are a lot of people who play date in today’s society. What is playdate? Play date is similar to playing “house” as a little kids. Remember house? You two are not officially a couple, but you act like it. You have someone who plays the husband and wife. You have the play kids, and the play house. The same relates to play dating as adults. You’re assuming a role that is not necessarily your official role, and it back fires because you don’t receive gratification, appreciation, or an “official” reward as a result of doing so. I don’t care how much you do for your partner that you play date with, or if you cook for them and treat them like a King/Queen; after the play date is over with your partner goes their merry way, but you’re left with the emotions and after effects of it. Yep, post dramatic love!

That’s a false sense of entitlement! How do you gain a false sense of entitlement? Assuming. There’s two different types of assuming that you can do when it comes to dating. 1.) You can assume that your partner will not go out and date other people because you two are dating, even though nothing has been made official between the two of you. You assume this because your partner acts like the two of you are official, but the two of you know that you’re really not. 2.) You can assume that your partner has the ability to date outside of your situation because things haven’t been made official. The latter will spare you from a false sense of entitlement. Does this necessarily mean that you have to accuse them and go out and date others? No. However, it will lessen the possibility of feeling distraught after you find out that your partner has moved on to the next one.

I often see people air their former dating partners out on facebook and twitter. What they don’t realize is that they’re consistently playing themselves publicly. Embarrassing yourself publicly with intent to embarrass another person takes away from your value, especially when you made it known to everyone that you were single. It’s amazing how people who proclaim themselves as being “single” over and over on their status’ and to their friends, can be angry enough to air out their former partners. That is a false sense of entitlement within itself. If you and your partner were both single; it means that they had the ability to date whomever they wanted to. Yes, it’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. There is no such thing as “single, but monogamous” unless you’re dating yourself.

Some may beg to differ, but if the two of you are both single, yet 100% committed to each other, why not make it official? What’s the hold up? A relationship is not marriage. It’s something that provides the two of you with the ability to build.

By assuming that you’re entitled to someone because you provided them with sex, material items, love, conversation, or even confide in them is selling yourself short. If you want to claim someone as yours, make it official with them! So the next time you sense yourself getting upset over someone who is not officially yours, remind yourself that you’re not entitled to them.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

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Comments
  1. Stacy says:

    3 blogs in one week Nell? Its getting close to that time for your book I see. I know when writers get in a zone. I’m gonna fwd your link to my friend. This is very interesting. Very. You still have to answer my ques from the last post.

  2. Melissa says:

    Excellent!!!

  3. Keshia Johnson says:

    Can I say the TRUTH!!!!!!!! lol this blog is def official and will have many people feeling a lil uneasy bc they know that they do or did once fit into this category! Defintely going to repost this I know far to many people who need to read this to let it be slept on. Excellent work Darnell! You know what upsets me that you mentioned in the blog is people who air out their dirty laundry all on these PUBLIC social sites (smdh and wanting people to get some CLASS about themselves) when all the time they walking around saying Im single and independent but they get mad whe he/she gets w/someone on a monogamous level…sad but it happens often.

  4. Jennifer says:

    Sir this is very truthful, I agree with everything and the most effective tool in a relationship is communication. Even so, if more people were more honest and straight forward in relationships then the world probably would be a more peaceful place.
    *You are truely the Black Male version of Carrie Bradshaw*

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