The Chase and Run Effect

Posted: March 31, 2010 by Nell in Dating, Personal, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , , ,

Have you been someone’s sex partner for months or years all because they promised to eventually be in a relationship with you? Are you some that has spent material items and money on someone who you desire in order to hopefully one day be their mate? Are you someone who runs from those that love and desire you? If so, this post is for you.

The Chase and Run Effect

When I was 19 yrs old I had a conversation about women with an older man. He had an old school way of thinking, but I listened to majority of things that he stated because I figured I could always gain wisdom from someone his age. The conversation that we had stood out because he told me something very valuable but I refused to take heed of what he was saying. He said “Darnell, don’t you ever chase a woman. Use that time that you would spend chasing to work on yourself because if a woman really wants you, you won’t have to chase her.” I was hard-headed around that age, so of course that particular statement went right over my head. The first thing that I did after that conversation was call this female who constantly rejected me. I liked the chase because I felt like I could actually get what I wanted at the end of the chase. However, my thoughts were wrong and I got rejected again. She rejected me for the final time. The older man’s advice set in and I stopped chasing her. I decided to work on myself and a few years later she decided to call me to hook up. I declined because as time went on I realized that his advice was Golden.

The Chase

As human beings, we often set ourselves up when it comes to dating. It’s no secret that people love to chase. They chase dreams, goals, and success. They also chase people that they desire, which is dangerous. I have heard some wild stories about chasing someone from males and females. I know guys who have been rejected over and over by a woman, cheated on constantly, and left heartbroken but they still decided to chase the woman who did those things to them. I know females who have been abused, cheated on, embarrassed, used, and played by guys for months and years but they continued chase those guys. Emotional rollercoaster huh?

Maybe some people are accustomed to negativity and drama in their relations with others. When you look at it from an outside view you’re thinking clearly they’re aware that they’re being played, but yet they still chase. Call me rude, but I don’t feel pity for these people. People who chase often look for the person that they’re chasing to free themselves from the predicament. However, they fail to realize that someone who’s being chased will rarely leave a situation especially if they’re being chased long-term. Why leave when you have someone at your own disposal that you can decide to be bothered with and reject whenever you want to? I often hear things like “I’m waiting on him/her to decide that they don’t want to be here anymore before I leave.” The chasers state this because it gives them an excuse to stay. Why wait on an r&b song, movie, or the person that you’re chasing to leave in order to halt your chase? People who currently chase don’t realize that they’re free, they just haven’t fled yet.

I know some guys who have been getting used financially by numerous women for years. They actually believe that these women are going to give in and become their mate someday. They buy these women expensive gifts, condos, cars, pay their bills and take them on shopping sprees. I consider that tricking but these lames in today’s society state “It’s not tricking if you got it” in order to justify their spending. I’m pretty sure plenty of the men who were considered tricks back in the 70’s and 80’s had “it” as well; it’s still tricking. The unfortunate thing is these guys are actually very aware that they’re getting used. In fact, some of them have decided to impregnate some of their women in order to justify their chase. “Man, I only do for her now because she’s my child’s mother.” The only reason why she decided to let them impregnate her is because she wanted more material items. It’s unfortunate, but true. However, even though these guys are aware, they still spend and chase.

I know women who have been a guy’s friend with benefits for years. Those women want relationships, but the guys don’t. They have decided that they will wait (chase him) until he finally says yes. These women have endured the guy sleeping around with numerous women, dating other women, disowning, and using them, but they still decide to chase. I look at these women like they’re stupid and they look at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about. Most women can agree that they have chased a guy that obviously didn’t want them. Some state that it’s the hype and the trill behind the chase. Some are not aware that they actually chased a guy before. Remember the guy who dragged you along as his sex partner for months and years all because he promised you a relationship someday? Yea, that guy.

Most guys are aware of the art of making a woman chase you. If they’re chasing you, you can manipulate them in any way possible. Women do the same thing and receive great benefits from this as well. Having someone chase you works like a charm because you’re in control and aware that humans are addicted to the chase of something that they believe they can have. When someone who desires you is chasing you, their presence is at your disposal. I assume women like being chasers because it brings spice to their lifestyles and conversations with their girlfriends. I assume guys do it so they can complain to their friends about the girl that they like being unattainable and trying to use them. Some of my friends have been keeping women around just off of specimens for years. Give them sex, lead them on, but don’t ever make them their girl.

Both males and females are aware of this. In fact they chase the people who don’t desire them, but run away from the people who do. Which leads me to….

The Run

I’ve been the person who’s running away and I’ve been the person who women ran away from. It’s crazy how this works. I remember a few years back I was dating a woman who was constantly cheated on in her relationship prior to me. I decided that I was going to treat her right and show her that it’s possible that she can be treated right (rescue her.) I kept my word, but she confessed that she was still dealing with the guy that cheated on her numerous times. She stated that she did so because she still loved him. I left and didn’t think twice about going back. I learned a hard lesson from doing so and I have not rescued a woman since, and I won’t. I’m not attracted to women that need to be rescued from their past or any situation and this explains why. I know y’all appreciate me sharing my humility.

There are guys who have a woman who desires them in every way. She would do anything to be with them and the guys realizes it. Instead of embracing her pursuit, they decide to run away. I’m very guilty of this as well. There has been times where I would pass up on women that desire me for women that put up facades about desiring me on their outer shell. As men, we sometimes run away from women who desire us for who we are and run to women who only desire us based on conditions. The thing about us guys is that we don’t appreciate a woman who desires us wholly until she’s no longer around. Deep down inside, we believe if we give into the woman’s pursuit, her desire will decrease. Sometimes I feel like I receive karma from passing up on numerous women who desire me. Actually, eventually we all do.

There are some women who have a guy that desires them. He loves them, cares for them, and wants to see them become their best. However, these women ignore this guy because he’s not exciting enough. He doesn’t come with enough emotional drama, he isn’t using them for sex, and he isn’t trying to manipulate them. Instead of being receptive to his pursuit, these women often run back to a guy who provides the emotional drama that they’ve been missing. The guy who used to cheat, use her, abuse her, and disown her.

One thing that I realize about some females is that they will make every excuse in the world for a guy that constantly screws them over, but they will not make any excuses for the guy that desires them. I actually had a woman tell me that she used to make excuses for guys who screwed her over because that’s what she grew accustomed to. She also stated that once a guy that she considers to be “the one” or a good man messes up one time, she gets rid of him. From a male’s perspective, this is why a lot of guys have trashed the caring and good guy approach. With some women if you give them too much care and attention they run. However, if you give them a specimen of care and attention they chase. The unfortunate thing for women is that guys have figured this out now. If you’re being wronged by a guy, you’re more than likely receiving backlash from something that a previous female did when he was being caring and attentive. Men don’t forgive and forget as easy as women do and I will explain why in a later blog.

People who chase and run are one of the same. The person that’s chasing one person is usually running from another person. These people are also always complaining about how they can’t find someone who fits and desires them. They don’t realize all they have to do is halt their chase in order to embrace pursuits. Sometimes people do obtain the person that they were chasing only to realize that the chase wasn’t worth it soon after. People who run from people who desire them often regret it. Remember, you don’t have to chase someone who truly desires you.

While I may have lost some potential candidates because of what I revealed in this blog post. I’ll take that L as long as I’m helping someone.

I’m gonna take a few weeks away from the blog so that I can finish up on this book. Enjoy the post!


  1. Kim says:

    Hey D this one is my most favorite out of all of them. Good job. I thought you were referring to me for a sec at the end, lol just kiddin ;). You have a small typo punk, I will point it out to you.

  2. DJ says:

    About 4 of them just charged u after this my dude lmao. But good post homie I knew u had it in u. I wont let nun of my girlz read this lmao. U going to the Lakers game thats there tonite?.

  3. Ashlee says:

    OMG!!!!!!!! DARNELL!!!!! I haven’t talked to you in yrs sweetie. Kim showed me your blog this morning. We are at work. I did not know that you were doing this and I did not know that your on fb. How long have you been on there. I deleted my page 3 months ago. I hear you don’t do music anymore, why not? We have to catch up

  4. MRH says:

    Great info but when does the chase and run come to an end?
    And why wont you be that rescuer again what about that job turn you off ??
    Your statment on ladies forgiving and forgeting is true but men seem to forget that well will soon dry up

  5. Keshia says:

    I really appreciated this blog its full of the TRUTH. I can def. tell you went in on this blog. Its crazy how we as a people think and view love. Relationships just seem like they are all full of mind games which can becoming very discouraging in the dating world. Excellent work!

  6. Dionne says:


  7. chanta says:

    why do men cheat on they wifey?

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