The Killer C (Communication)

Posted: March 17, 2010 by Nell in Dating, Personal, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , , ,

I often ask people what is the most important thing when it comes to relationships. Their response is usually trust. Some of them state that communication is, but the majority think other wise. This blog is about the “Killer C” which Communication. Some of you may be wondering why is communication a killer but I am going to break it down in two examples. This blog post may not be as exciting and striking as the two previous blogs, but it’s just as important. This blog is still from a male’s perspective, however it’s targeted towards everyone. I just felt that it was important to write a blog about this right now. The fact is, I can’t think of one relationship that I was in where communication wasn’t the killer in the end. It was either my lack of communication, their lack of communication or both of ours. So I decided that I will write about it since I learned a lesson from it. This blog is for everyone, whether you’re in a relationship, dating, or single. You never know when you will have to put what you learn in this blog to use. You can use it in friendships and business partnerships, but the key is using it. There are a lot of people in relationships that do not know their partner. Chances are, if you do not know your partner well, you cannot have an open discussion with them. The lack of communication is the first example that I’m going to use because it kills relationships.

The Killer C (Con) Lack of Communication

This example of the Killer C is the lack of communication. If you have no strong communication in your relationship, chances are it will fail. Some people state that trust, sex, and loyalty are most important when it comes to relationship, but what are all of those things without communication? 0. Communication should be established in the beginning of any and every relationship. One of the major mistakes that a lot of people make in the beginning when choosing a mate is displaying a lack of patience. They get caught up in the moment “Oh she’s sexy and everything I’ve been looking for,” “He’s the one” and then they rush in and get hurt in the end. I always state that people in today’s society have an urge for instant gratification. They want everything fast and unfortunately when you want everything fast you tend to rush things. When you rush things in a relationship, you miss out on establishing the important elements needed for the relationship to be successful. There’s a saying that says “You finish how you start.” I don’t take that quote lightly.

The “Do what makes you happy” issue.

Some of you may wonder what’s the “Do what makes you happy” issue? It’s when you go to anyone except your partner about your issues that you have concerning your relationship. The most common response that these people who you go to will be “Do what makes you happy.” Now, if they have something against your partner then they will state more comments than that such as “leave him/her.” If you’re not happy, chances are your decision is going to be leaving your mate after they state that. In fact, if you’re not happy, communication more than likely was not established in the beginning of your relationship. Some people stay and some leave. The problem with the “Do what makes you happy” issue is that it shouldn’t exist. If you’re in a relationship that you can’t discuss your issues with your mate and come to some form of agreement or understanding, then that is a major sign that you should not be involved with that person and vice versa. The unfortunate thing is that the Killer C has taken its toll on the relationship when it gets to this point. Your partner should always be your first option when it comes to confiding about issues in your relationship. The moment you start confiding elsewhere is the moment that the Killer C comes into the picture. I know some may say, “Well I confide in friends and family, they were there for me before my mate.” That’s fair, but when it comes to issues in your relationship, always confide in your mate first. If you can’t, it’s no need in having them as your mate.

The Killer C (Pro) Communication Kills “Wasting your time”

A few blog post ago I did a post on having a relationship with someone and you both desire each other. The way to find this out is communication. Verbal and non-verbal communication will let you know anything that you want and need to know about a person. They can state something, but if their actions don’t back up their statement; it’s really no point in believing what they stated. Communication kills wasting your time because it assist you with knowing what the other person’s intentions are. I always state that you shouldn’t get involved with someone who does not have the same intentions as you. You will set yourself up for heartache and failure by doing so. People do this often and leave the situation with a broken heart. They want a girlfriend but get involved with a female that just wants a friend or they want a boyfriend and get involved with a dude that wants sex partners (Vice versa.)

There are ways that people can disguise their true intentions. However, most of the time you can find out their true intentions because humans are emotional creatures (male and female) and when someone that’s emotional doesn’t get what they want, they will let it be known either verbally or non-verbally. Remember that dude who used to play the “nice guy” role until you told him that he can’t hit it and then he stopped calling? that’s non-verbal. Some people can see through the disguises that people who don’t express emotions have, but those are people who have a third eye and are very critical thinkers.

In the Killer C (Cons) paragraph I mentioned that people often rush into things. In the previous Killer C (pro) paragraph I stated that you should not get involved with someone who does not have the same intentions as you. My question is, how will you find out if someone has the same intentions as you if you rush into things? You can’t. <<<That answer is one of the major reasons why relationships die fast in today's society. Instant gratification kills the ability to establish communication. Establish strong communication skills in the beginning with your mate and the chances of your relationship being a success will be greater.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

I created a NEW Facebook fan page yesterday. Be sure to become a fan to get updates about my book release and NEW blog post!


  1. Stacy says:

    I’m in a relationship n this relates to me. I am gonna show this to my honey. Very informing!

  2. Ronnie says:

    Im going to contact you about some writing. I like your work Darnell. I have a project for you. I think you would be perfect for it.

  3. Keshia says:

    COMMUNICATION now this is what Im talking about….Excellent Blog once again….Communication is so important it is the Life or death to your relationship. I strongly believe that your partner should become your best friend the one you confide in the most about different aspects in your life but defintely in you alls relationship.

  4. James says:

    Good job playa!

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