This Is Why 90% Of Your Relationships Have Gone Bad!

Posted: March 2, 2010 by Nell in Dating, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: , , ,

9/10 times this is the reason why you have either cheated or been cheated on in previous relationships. 9/10 times this is the reason why you or your mate were not happy in your relationship. 9/10 times this is the reason why your previous relationships didn’t work. Finally, 9/10 times this is the reason why you’re currently single if you are.

You ever been so into someone that nothing or anyone else matters? The only thing that matters to you is that person and the well being of that person. If you have experienced this before and you’re currently single; I am more than sure that you know the pain that comes as a result of that relationship not working out with that person. It hurts because you desired that person. But chances are, that person didn’t desire you. What is it about desire that either kills relationships or strengthens them?

I have some associates who have a few of the most joyful and happy relationships and I have some who have a couple of the most unhappy and miserable relationships. My associates who have the happy and joyful relationships have figured out something that my unhappy associates and many other people in the dating world have yet to. They found a mate that they not only desire, but one who desires them as well.

People waste a lot of valuable time dating people who they don’t desire. They also waste valuable time dating people who don’t desire them. The best way to figure out if you’re dating someone who you don’t desire is analyzing your thoughts about them. Are there some things that you would like to change about that individual? Whether it be the way they talk, certain characteristics of their personality, their attitude, their looks, their lifestyle or their out look on relationships? If you have some those thoughts, there is a strong possibility that the person who you are involved with may not be the person that you desire. We all know that there is no such thing as the perfect mate and if you didn’t know, welcome to reality. Sure you will not meet the perfect mate, but it is possible to meet and date a mate that you desire. One of the issues with people in the dating world is that they try to convince their selves that they can change an individual. “She’s sloppy but I can fix her up.” “He’s a thug, but I can turn his life around for the good.” “He’s lame, but I can get him some swag.” “She’s too ghetto for me, but I can teach her how to act.” Not only does trying to change someone not work; it also waste valuable time and effort. A wise man once told me “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I have been living by that statement ever since.

Those examples above are some ways that you can tell that someone is not what you desire, but what are some ways to tell if you’re not what someone desires? This one is simple; the way they act towards you. I’m not stating that they will kiss up to you and act as if they’re your servant, however they will take a great amount of pride and value in you. Do they consider you an investment? I’m not referring to money and material things; I am referring to things such as knowledge and support. I always tell people that knowledge and support along with appreciation are some of the biggest investments that someone can make because they take both time and effort. Someone can easily spend money on you and buy you material things as a cover up and those things usually require minimum amounts of time. But knowledge and support is not only investments that prove that the investor wants to get something in return in the present, but also in the future. The future is the key; it is the main way to tell if someone desires you. Are they considering a future with you?

Some of you may be questioning, “Darnell how can you state that 90% of relationships go bad because of a lack of desire?” It’s quite simple, look back on all your relationships that you or your mate called off and find the root of the issue. A lack of desire will be the root of the issue, with the exemption of maybe a few your previous relationships. Some people cheat because it’s just their nature, some leave relationships because they’re not ready, and some people are single because they enjoy the single life, but when those reasons are exempt, a lack of desire from either or both partners is the root of the problem that caused a relationship to fail.

Are you with or seeking the person that you desire? For starters, find out what you desire and who desires you!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

*Side note* This is crunch time leading up to the Part 1 release of my book series titled ‘The L Factor’ and I’m going to be blogging often. For now make sure you stop by often to check for updated blog post. From now till my May 6th release date, I’m going in!

I created a NEW Facebook fan page yesterday. Be sure to become a fan to get updates about my book release and NEW blog post!



  1. Keshia says:

    Hmmmm very interesting blog that just so happens to be true. I completely agree that if everyone would take the time out and learn what it is that they want/desire in a mate as well as a relationship they will not waste valuable time on people they dont desire or that dont desire them. Finding someone that loves/desires you like you do them is an awesome feeling and unbreakable bond. Great job on thi blog Darnell. I am looking forwrd to the release of “L Factor”….keep up the good work.

  2. Darnell says:

    Very true Keshia. Also, people should be careful not to confuse preference with desire. Desire is a lot more in depth than preference is. Desire is what you want, preference is what you prefer meaning the first option. But there is no option with desire. You either are what someone desires or your not.

  3. Monica says:

    Hey. I really really really really like this. I can honestly admit that I don’t feel like i was desired in my past. I dont think I desired them either. I always tried to change them. Fantastic blog

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