The gap between a relationship and a fling

Posted: November 5, 2009 by Nell in Dating, Personal, Self Help/ Motivation
Tags: ,


How big is that gap?

Recently I commented on a facebook status about relationships. The status was asking why men and women choose to avoid relationships. Many people stated that they are not into relationships because they don’t want the drama that comes along with them, but I have a different answer. I thought my response had some interesting points, and decided to share it with you all. Check it out below, hope it helps someone.

People like to shout “I’m single” now as if its something that’s rare. Being single is now the norm. The problem is that a lot of people are not in tune with reality. They read novels, watch movies, and plays. While I’m not knocking any of those forms of Entertainment, a good amount of them paint a fantasy and false reality. There is no such thing as the perfect person, male or female. There’s going to be some disagreements, things you don’t like, and bad days in a committed relationship. However, people claim they’re not in one because they’re not willing to go through all the “drama” but they have the same type of drama show up in their flings. Too often while in a fling you hear complaints like “Oh she’s not calling me,” “Oh I think he has another woman,” “That chick acting stupid, I don’t have time for her anymore,” and “He won’t commit to me.” Those are some of the same complaints that people have in a relationship.

We need to start being honest and stop saying that we don’t want a committed relationship because we don’t want to settle, but we instead want to continue to explore multiple individuals at the same time. Or better yet, the person that we really want to settle with doesn’t want to settle with us, so we will settle for being their fling.

^^^ That has to be the reason because honestly, if your relationship with your “jumpoff” or bootycall, has the same emotions, insecurities, attachments, and feelings as a committed relationship, what’s the difference? I don’t know how women operate, but us guys have a rule. You don’t treat a jumpoff like she’s your girlfriend. If that same rule applies to women, why all of the drama when your bootycall don’t answer your call, goes to his other girl’s house, doesn’t pay you as much attention, or doesn’t want to commit? Because you don’t consider him a bootycall, but you settled for being his. And the same thing applies to the guys that do it, but don’t live by the jumpoff rule (its a lot of them as well.)

Above was my reply. Basically, in the today’s time, is it that much of a gap between a relationship and a fling? If your reason for not being in a relationship is that you don’t want to settle, don’t settle for a “fling” then. Because honestly, the strongest and most valid reason for not being in a committed relationship is that people want to have multiple partners at the same time. Once again, learn how to escape fantasy and embrace reality. Why not be in a committed relationship if it has the same issues that a fling has?

Darnell R. Mckinnon

I created a NEW Facebook fan page yesterday. Be sure to become a fan to get updates about my book release and NEW blog post!


  1. Jean says:

    Somebody had to say it. Great job Darnell!

  2. I think the term “relationship” just scares people and like you said, they’re not being true to themselves. I agree that a fling can turn into what a bad relationship is like. I think women just naturally get attached more if they’re sleeping with their fling- and will act like they belong with him- and hence the jealousies and insecurities.

  3. kim says:

    This is a nice blog Darnell good job!

  4. Billie says:

    I agree with you Darnell and 29andcounting…. relationships can seem scary and SEEM to come with more responsibility.. So many people hid from then, when in all actuality, they are already in some type of relationship, just not with an official title

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