The Journey to True Manhood

Posted: September 8, 2009 by Nell in Personal, Self Help/ Motivation


The Journey to True Manhood

Manhood- The state of being a man; manly qualities.

What is your definition of a Man? Is it when a male is physically and financially able to fend for himself? Is it when he finally owns his own home and vehicle? Is it when a male can protect you and your loved ones? Is it when a male takes care of the responsibilities that he has created? Is it the amount of knowledge that he has? Or is it when a male reaches a certain age or level of wisdom?

There is no true universal definition of manhood. Everyone has their own definition of what manhood truly is, and chances are, their definitions are based off of their own personal experiences. Normally, I would give myself a nice gap in between blog post, but I decided to write this because it’s needed. This blog post is needed for all of the young and adult males across the world, as well as myself. There are a lot of things in society today, that makes me believe that the definition of True Manhood has been lost. The number of males who take the Journey to True Manhood is becoming smaller as the days go by. Part of the reason is more discouragement than encouragement, part of it is lack of support, and part of it is lack of ambition and determination. There are a number of reasons why it has been lost, and I will share my beliefs. These are strictly my beliefs, you are entitled to disagree with them, but hopefully we can come to an agreement on some of the things that I am going to discuss.

First of all, in order to become something, you have to know what it is that you are trying to become. Many people believe that manhood is obtained when a guy has a well-paying career. Some believe that manhood is obtained by having your own house and vehicle. Some believe manhood is obtained by having social status. Some believe that manhood is obtained when you can take care of your family. Some believe that manhood is obtained when you reach a certain level of wisdom. Some believe that manhood is obtained when you reach a certain age. Some believe that manhood is obtained by power and strength. Some believe that manhood is obtained by knowledge. Some believe that manhood is obtained by experience. However, you can have all of those things and not obtain True Manhood. I believe that all of the above listed are accomplishments that can take place while on the journey to True Manhood, but “True” manhood is obtained when a male has truly become his “best self.” I believe we should all look at Manhood as a journey, and not as something you obtain once you accomplish any of the above listed. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not look at Manhood as a journey, and many will continue to view it as something that happens over night by one or two of the above accomplishments listed, rather than viewing it as a process. Here’s why:

I grew up in a home with an older brother and we were raised by a single mother. All throughout my childhood, adolescent years, and majority of my early adulthood, I carried the emotions of my mother and so did my older brother. The results of my emotions were involuntary actions. When certain situations would occur, I would handle them with the same emotions that my mother would display in the same situation. Majority of the time, those emotions were a result of displaying emotions over logic. I would perhaps react in an angry or defensive manner, and often times I would feel bad as a result of my actions. This pattern became a habit and affected various areas of my life whether it was relationships with females, interactions/reactions towards my peers, interactions/reactions towards society, or with the way how I viewed myself overall. I wasn’t feminine, but the way I would handle things were not that of how my current definition of a man should handle things. Often times I would hear someone state to me “Darnell, you need to be a man about yours.” I would often blurt out “You show me a real man, and I will show you a lie.” Part of what I said was out of anger, but the other part of what I said was because I was onto something, even at a young age. That something that I was onto is the fact that there is no universal definition of a “real” man. The universal definition of a “real” man has been so twisted, that it will confuse any male whether a youth or adult. There are a mass majority of males in the world today who are lost. When I state lost I am not only referring to displaying emotion over logic, lacking knowledge, or even ambition, but I am also referring to those males being lost on the journey to True Manhood. A lot of males don’t even know that there is a journey, so why would they pursue it? I can’t be mad at them. But if their reading this, now they know!

How do you expect a young or adult male to become a man without no universal definition? Is it possible? Yes. I believe that manhood is obtained through the journey to become your best self. If a male chooses not to partake in that journey, he will never find True Manhood. What is your best self? Being your best self is being the best individual that you can be while making constant improvements and enhancements, by learning and knowing yourself. It starts with knowing who you are and who you want to be. It ends with being comfortable with who you truly are. So many young and adult men today are not comfortable in their own skin. I often fight the same battles as these young and adult men, I’m not immune. However, I recently came to an understanding that those same battles are part of the journey to True Manhood. Their nothing to be ashamed of or discouraged by, their part of the journey, embrace them. In today’s society, there is too much imitation going on with males. It’s not just with the youth, but many adults as well. Majority of males are not firm in their beliefs of who they truly are, and the minority who are, have accomplished many of the steps on journey to manhood. A lot of people believe that young men are the only ones at fault in today’s society, but adults are just as bad. We have boys raising boys. It doesn’t matter if a guy is 23 or 48, if he has yet to achieve True Manhood, he is in the same shoes as the youth. One of the main reasons why many adult males are just as bad is because they carried the habits of their childhood throughout their whole lives. Most men have not begun the journey to True manhood yet. Some may have an different definition than mine while believing that the above listed accomplishments create manhood. Everyone is entitled to their own definition.

On the journey to True manhood you develop the logic over emotion way of thinking. Majority of the males who have obtained True Manhood are firm with their individuality as well as carry the logic over emotion way of thinking. If you are aiming to become your best self, your focus is more on being logical than emotional. In reality, the journey to True manhood is a puzzle and the puzzle is not solved until you find your best self. A male being his overall best is the missing piece. The reason why I state that a man obtains True Manhood by being his best self is because his views will change, the way he handles situations will change, his reaction towards adversity will change, and his character will be firm from all of the experiences on the journey.

One of the most difficult things that makes the journey to True Manhood difficult is the lack of support. If you are going to do anything that pertains to the word “BEST” you are going to need support. In order to have support, your supporters have to display patience and understanding. Often times, the individuals that males would like to have as supporters, lack patience and understanding, which often leads to relapse and setbacks on the Journey to True Manhood. Feelings are bound to get hurt on this journey, toes are bound to be stepped on, emotions are bound to outweigh logic, and fear/uncertainty is bound to take place. It’s a process, similar to any true success. But the reward is the end result, the missing piece, your best self.

This blog was not written to bash males, I couldn’t do that. I understand the struggles that we face on the journey because I too experience those struggles everyday. However, this blog was posted to encourage and enlighten the males who read this post. This is a touchy subject that some people are not capable of discussing without bashing males. What better person would something like this come from, than a young male himself? Also, to all of the women whom are associated with a male in any way, whether it’s a son, brother, boyfriend, cousin, father, or friend; I ask that you will show support by displaying patience and understanding. It is truly needed. If not, do not ask or expect a male to be a man if you refuse to support him on his journey to True Manhood.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

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  1. Billie says:

    Darnell, this was beautifully written. I think that it’s wonderful that you provide such encouragement and uplift to men-old and young. I agree that manhood – or womanhood, for that matter – is INDEED a process and is defined by being the best person that you can be. I have always tried to support young men because I feel that society places so many strikes against young males. Keep up the good work, and I promise I’ll always do my best to be part of the support system that young men need. I adore the Black Man 😉

  2. IVETTE says:

    Darnell, that was great!!! It is great to know that we still have some people in the world that cares. You continued to be positive and encouarage others to do so as well! I pray you are successful with all your future endeavours, keep up the GREAT work.

    Ivette “Country”

  3. […] Every male and anybody who’s associated with a male needs to read this post right here (Click … […]

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