subconscious-bad-habits-forming-from-perception

 

This past week, I was in a rush, walking and heading towards my destination. I wasn’t really paying attention to anything going on in the environment around me. My focus was getting to my destination on time. There was a younger guy standing in the direction I was walking towards, I’m assuming he may have been homeless. As I walked by the guy, he said, “Sir, can you please buy me something to eat?” My response was, “I’m good, man.” Read the rest of this entry »

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who-do-you-live-for

 

Reading the title, people might assume I’m referring to personal responsibilities or religion. Usually when someone ask the above question, they are referring to either of the responsibilities. I have a different direction I’m heading in when asking the question. I’m referring more to personal satisfaction and gratification. Below I’ll explain why I’m asking the question.

 

Who do you live for?

I’ve been doing a lot of mental and emotional maturing throughout the past year. I’ve learned so far in life, you never stop learning until you stop breathing or your mind no longer works. Everyday there’s something new to learn. However, growth is not dependent on age or experience. Growth is more dependent on what you do with your experiences. If you learn from your experiences and then make adjustments and improvements, that sparks growth. If you’re not proactive with learning from your experiences, you won’t grow. Some people are elderly adults in their 50s and 60s, but mentally and emotionally they’re still in the same mental space they were in during their 20s and 30s. That may seem far-fetched to some reading this, but I’ve personally met some people who are in their 50s and 60s and they have yet to grow emotionally from where they were in their 20s and 30s.

I learned a gem this past year. True peace of mind and mental freedom is found in living for yourself. It sounds quite selfish doesn’t it? Well, actually it’s not. I’m not saying, go out and only take your own feelings into consideration. I’m also not telling you not to assist or serve family, friends, or people in society who may be in need. What I’m advising you to do is simply put your feelings first regarding your life.  There are many people who conceal the person they truly are because they live for the opinion of those in society and the role society has placed on them. Some of the most mentally and emotionally free people are often categorized as “weird” by some people in society, because being mentally and emotionally free isn’t the norm. For instance, the woman who posts her love for her significant other on social media is often viewed as love struck or gullible by her peers. A guy who does the same is often viewed as a simp. Some people may believe the couple is putting on an act for social media. People don’t take into consideration the motives of that man or woman’s posts.  The two lovers may genuinely head over heels over their significant other because they possibly never had a significant other of that caliber. Or, they could be just very appreciative of their significant other and don’t want to conceal it. What better way of showing gratitude than letting other people know? People show off their brand new car when they’re excited about it. They show off their new house, announce their new job, show off their food, or show off photos from vacation trips, yet the moment they show off their significant other the same way they’re negatively labeled by some in society. Which is why people should live and express themselves for their own gratification and not society’s, because society probably will have something negative to say regardless.

You can also point to the free-spirited individuals who are always positive minded and displays a happy demeanor majority of the time. Those individuals are sometimes labeled as phony or disingenuous by society. It seems like whenever someone is being free and truly enjoying their lives, the good fortunes, and the blessings that come along with it, society gets in the way and says “Wait, you can’t do that. You need to follow the script and live life the way we live it or the way we think you should live.”

I have a genuine love for people who are confident enough to live their life the way they want. I’m not speaking on people who break the law, or harm others. I’m referring to people who harmlessly live and do things they truly desire no matter what society says. I asked the question above, which is titled on this post, because I believe life gets better when the answer to that question is “Me.” The question isn’t, “Who do you live to support and take care of?” Or, “What God do you serve?” It’s simply a question referring to if you’re living free or living confined by society, their ideology, and the roles they want to place on you. There’s freedom in living for yourself.

Whenever you feel pressured to do something that isn’t a necessity for your livelihood, ask yourself “Who do I live for?”

 

Nell

www.hellonell.com

Always have something to look forward to

 

This post is for anyone in a rough patch, feeling down about life, or just need some encouragement. I really don’t have anything extra to say.

 

Always have something to look forward to

Everyone experiences rough patches or times where they’re feeling down and discouraged. If you’re a young adult or older adult, I’m sure you’ve experienced these feelings multiple times throughout your life. Whether it was the pressure of school, work, family, peers, or anything else that would cause you to feel down about life or get down on yourself, everyone has experienced some type of discouragement or down times.

While it may not solve all of your issues, having something to look forward to can boost your mood and spark the process of getting out of your rough patch. If school; is the cause of your discouragement, look forward to the rewards and extra livelihood benefits that are going to come along with having your degree or certificate. If it’s your love life, think of how good things will be once you meet someone you truly desire and connect with on all levels. Those thoughts of having something to look forward to can be the spark you need. If your finances are what’s causing you to feel down, put a financial plan in place and practice patience. While practicing patience, think of how great things are going to be once you get on track financially.

I’m still learning in life. There’s a lot I don’t know. I learn something new every day. What I do know is having something to look forward to has helped me get out of some discouraging times and rough patches. Find what you’re passionate about. It can be something as small as a TV show that comes on at the end of the week. If you’re having a tough week, think about how much you’re going to enjoy that TV show or think of all of the fun activities you can participate in at the end of the week.

I’m no shrink. I don’t have all the answers or claim to like a lot of people over the internet. I’m speaking strictly based on experience, as always. Having something to look forward to makes your down times short-lived. Find out what you value or what you’re passionate about, and use that as the tool to find whatever it is you look forward to. Whether it’s seeing your child grow up or seeing your garden of vegetables grow, always have something to look forward to. That’s some of the best advice I can lend you.

 

Nell

www.hellonell.com

Your greatest advice is your own

 

When I first began posting on this blog years ago I used it as an outlet to promote my two books. I’m seven years older and wiser now, so of course, my motive is different. Now, I simply don’t have the same motive I had when I first began writing blog posts. I’m in a completely different place in life and as of late I’ve experienced a lot of growth. If you look back on my blog post from 2009, 2010, or 2011, I’m sure some of the ideology I shared back then would differ from today. I come back and write a blog post whenever I get a hunch, not because I feel compelled to. Recently I looked back at some of the greatest advice I received over the years in regards to life, love, relationships, and anything else concerning my personal well-being, and some of the greatest I received was from none other than myself. Of course, I’ve received great career, lifestyle, business, and financial advice from people other than myself, but the greatest advice for me was my own advice.

 

Your greatest advice in your own

There are times in your life where your own logic seems stuck. You feel like you need outside opinions to make a decision concerning your own well-being. You then seek outside advice to assist you with making a decision. Whether it was advice it’s regarding your love life, your career, your finances, or anything else concerning your own well-being. This happens a lot throughout life, especially in early adulthood.

I’m sure you have received some great advice from outside sources whether it’s your family, friends, or peers. However, no one on earth knows your heart and your mind like you know your heart and mind. You’re the only person on this earth who can know how you feel and think inside without showing outer emotions or verbally speaking on those emotions. Yes, there are some people in the world with a strong intuition or firm sense of discernment, but even they would have to see some sort of outward sign or symbol from you in order to make their judgement regarding you, meanwhile you don’t.

Since you’re the only person on earth who knows you inside and out, you have the internal mental power to rationalize with yourself enough to make the best decisions for your life. Of course, if you’re not in your right mind or in good physical or mental health, you’ll need someone to assist you with making a decision. Other than that, your greatest advice usually dwells internally. Now, I’m not referring to advice regarding something you’re new at such as a new job position or tasks, being new to an area you just moved in, or new to a school. I’m referring to advice regarding your personal well-being, life decisions.

When receiving outside advice, the people who lend you their advice have two sources; your situation you need advice on, and their own personal experiences. When receiving advice from yourself, there are two sources, your personal experiences and your situation. Both of your sources involve you. I’m a firm believer that we go through things in order to build and improve our wisdom. Of course, negative experiences sometimes cause insecurities that may seem like setbacks, but sometimes advice from outside sources causes insecurities as well. This happens often when receiving outside advice, especially in reference to dating. Often times I hear outside sources uttering advice similar to, “I wouldn’t trust him/her because that happened to me before and I ended up getting my heart-broken.” Or I often hear more blunt opinions like, “He/she is probably cheating because that’s how so and so behaved when they were.” Those two examples of advice are both outside advice and negative advice, and they’re not necessarily definite potential outcomes. Those are just two examples of how outside advice can sometimes be bad or potentially harming advice.

I’m a firm believer that maturity is based on the adjustments you make from conflicts or experiences. I don’t believe maturity has a strong correlation to age. Of course, with age you have more experiences, but it doesn’t mean you made the proper adjustments to solving the conflicts or issues that come along with those experiences. Some people experience the same issues over and over in life without resolving them. That is not maturity. You can be 50 or 60 years old and still be in the same mental place as you were in your twenties. You can be 70 and still financially immature in regards to the way you view finances and money. The more you mature, the greater your own advice for yourself will be.

The greatest advice I received in life regarding my own well-being was my own advice. I’ve received some great outside advice throughout my life. As an adult, I have also received some horrible outside advice in my life regarding finances, relationships, location, education, career, and knowledge. Once I made adjustments and began taking my own advice regarding those things, my life took a turn for a better in those areas. I look back on a lot of outside advice I received so far in my life, and I realize a good 80% of the advice I received from outside sources wasn’t even being followed in their own life. Follow your own advice regarding your well-being. You may be thinking, “But what if my own advice ends up being bad advice?” Then you can make adjustments and watch your ability to rationalize improve.

 

Nell

www.HelloNell.com 

 

A Love Jones

 

For the past five years or so, I’ve been on a journey. Actually, I’ve been on a journey all my life, but the past 5 years it intensified. I’ve learned a lot, but throughout the process of learning also came a lot of growing pains. One thing that has consistently stood out in my mind is the number of people, women specifically, I have given myself to over the last 5 years or so. What do I mean by given myself to? I’m not referring to sex. I’m referring to confiding in and emotionally and sometimes mentally investing in. I decided to share some thoughts on giving yourself to numerous people while being single and why I believe there are more drawbacks than benefits.

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forgiveness

 

I haven’t blogged in at least a year. I’m currently in the middle of finishing up a book I’m going to be releasing soon, but I decided to write a post and share something I’ve learned both over time, and recently. I often hear and see things about people forgiving those who hurt and offended them in the past or present, but I rarely see or hear anything regarding self forgiveness, except maybe in religious dialogue. I thought I would share my opinion with you on the subject matter.

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istock_loveyourself

How often do your base your own value on what other people think of you? Human beings tend to compare their personal value and worth, to the worth and value of others. With the birth of Instagram and other social media websites, people are comparing their personal lives to the lives of others, more than ever.

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