The gap between a relationship and a fling

How big is that gap?

Recently I commented on a facebook status about relationships. The status was asking why men and women choose to avoid relationships. Many people stated that they are not into relationships because they don’t want the drama that comes along with them, but I have a different answer. I thought my response had some interesting points, and decided to share it with you all. Check it out below, hope it helps someone.

People like to shout “I’m single” now as if its something that’s rare. Being single is now the norm. The problem is that a lot of people are not in tune with reality. They read novels, watch movies, and plays. While I’m not knocking any of those forms of Entertainment, a good amount of them paint a fantasy and false reality. There is no such thing as the perfect person, male or female. There’s going to be some disagreements, things you don’t like, and bad days in a committed relationship. However, people claim they’re not in one because they’re not willing to go through all the “drama” but they have the same type of drama show up in their flings. Too often while in a fling you hear complaints like “Oh she’s not calling me,” “Oh I think he has another woman,” “That chick acting stupid, I don’t have time for her anymore,” and “He won’t commit to me.” Those are some of the same complaints that people have in a relationship.

We need to start being honest and stop saying that we don’t want a committed relationship because we don’t want to settle, but we instead want to continue to explore multiple individuals at the same time. Or better yet, the person that we really want to settle with doesn’t want to settle with us, so we will settle for being their fling.

^^^ That has to be the reason because honestly, if your relationship with your “jumpoff” or bootycall, has the same emotions, insecurities, attachments, and feelings as a committed relationship, what’s the difference? I don’t know how women operate, but us guys have a rule. You don’t treat a jumpoff like she’s your girlfriend. If that same rule applies to women, why all of the drama when your bootycall don’t answer your call, goes to his other girl’s house, doesn’t pay you as much attention, or doesn’t want to commit? Because you don’t consider him a bootycall, but you settled for being his. And the same thing applies to the guys that do it, but don’t live by the jumpoff rule (its a lot of them as well.)

Above was my reply. Basically, in the today’s time, is it that much of a gap between a relationship and a fling? If your reason for not being in a relationship is that you don’t want to settle, don’t settle for a “fling” then. Because honestly, the strongest and most valid reason for not being in a committed relationship is that people want to have multiple partners at the same time. Once again, learn how to escape fantasy and embrace reality. Why not be in a committed relationship if it has the same issues that a fling has?

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Start seeing things for what they really are

Start seeing things for what they really are

As of late, I’ve been noticing a trend with people; their afraid of reality. There are people walking around medicated, intoxicated, abusing any possible thing that you can become addicted to from sex to food, and living in fantasy, all to escape reality. Romantic novels (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/28/romance-novel-sales-boomi_n_208796.html) and movie sales are still doing fairly well because people are trying to get a glimpse of fantasy and escape reality. The media is placing blame on the recession, but this problem existed far before the economy collapsed. The problem is a cycle, not a impulse of the times issue. What ever happened to seeing things for what they really are?

We all need an escape from reality sometimes. Those escapes are things such as vacations, get a ways, spas, resorts, cruises or anything of that nature. The purpose of all of those things is to give your body and mind relaxation. That relaxation primarily happens because all of the things listed are an escape from reality. There are a great deal of people who hate their jobs, hate going to school, or hate whatever situation that they are in majority of their week. Maybe their in a relationship that has issues and they want to escape, maybe their life is in crises, or maybe they experienced a loss. People often tend to run from reality. Facing reality is one of the most difficult task that humans have to face in life. They hedge facing reality by making excuses instead of confronting reality head on. There are people who are afraid to confront reality, so instead they sway between any of the above listed escapes. This problem often leads to addictions, and those are hard to escape.

Start seeing things for what they really are

When is the last time you faced, confronted, and handled reality sober? Have you ever accomplished that task? These questions are asked because we are creating an ongoing problem by not facing and confronting reality. Escapes are necessary and good, but when you are creating escapes on a daily basis it should tell you a lot about your views on facing reality. You’re scared of reality, then you create an addiction, then the addiction becomes reality, but in order to escape that reality (addiction) you create another addiction. Seeing things for what they really are and dealing with them as is are the best ways to confront reality. If you do this, you will find that your reality in itself can be an escape from reality because you acknowledge it. Remember, just because you acknowledge your reality does not mean that you cannot improve it. In fact, the first step to improving your reality is acknowledging it. You cannot improve upon something that you escape, you escape your current reality by acknowledgment and finding solutions to improve it.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

The force behind your motivation

The force behind your motivation

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend. Our conversation was about goals, dreams, and the motivating factors behind the two. During the discussion, my friend asked me what are my goals and dreams. I replied by stating that I will keep them silent until they come to pass (I’m cautious of letting my goals out in the open.) My friend then asked me what is the motivation behind my goals, and I stated that it is my well-being and self-improvement. No, it’s not the 750 BMW, the 2010 Range Rover Sport, 6 bedroom 3 1/2 bath, the private jet, or Yacht. The motivation that drives me to press towards my goals is: Me. Those things listed are the result of the dream, but the motivation behind the goal is my self-improvement.

Majority of people have more than one motivating factor that inspires their drive towards their goals and dreams. But if they had to choose one, they may be surprised that the factor is not their well-being or self-improvement. As humans, we have to be careful not to let anything besides ourselves be our main motivating factor. You can lose everything at any moment, but if you’re still breathing, the one thing that you have left is you. Your life is a puzzle with you as the main picture, and you acquire a new finished section of the puzzle when you have all of the pieces that are needed. Although you have completed a new section of the puzzle, it is not complete because you have not finished the full puzzle that has you featured as the main picture. Some people simply do not understand that majority of people who are successful in life had one major motivating factor in mind while doing so, their selves. I am not stating that these individuals were selfish minded while working towards their goals and dreams. Self-improvement can come in different forms like helping, encouraging, or inspiring others. All of those things enhance self-improvement, they add to who you are as an individual and determine your impact.

The question is, what is your main motivation factor? Is it to make your mate in your relationship happy, your families well-being, your child’s well-being, the BMW, the big house, the nice downtown condo, 6 figures, those new designer shoes/sneakers, new designer clothes, or the newest gadget? I ask this question because all of those things can be taken away at any moment. If those things are taken away, you will be stuck with you. What will your new motivation be if those things are taken away? Would it be to strive towards getting a newer, bigger, and better item? You cannot make your mate happy unless your happy. You cannot take care of your family unless you are taken care of. You cannot care for your child if you don’t care about yourself. You cannot acquire a BMW, big house, nice condo, 6 figures, designer clothes and sneakers, or new gadget unless you place yourself in the financial position to. If you’re depending on charity or the lottery then results may very, but we all know how that operates. It all starts with you. As stated, life is a puzzle, the main picture in the puzzle is you. Once you understand that, you will understand why the dreams and goals that you desire will come to pass, when you focus on enhancing the main picture in the puzzle, you.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Do you really know it all?

Everyday I come across one subject matter that is always being discussed. Either its discussed subconsciously or openly. The subject that I am referring to is: The youth of this country, specifically young men.

Why is his pants so tight? Why does he listen to that stupid Hip-Hop music? Why did he do something so stupid? These young boys have no respect for elders, who’s his parents? Why did he kill that man? Why did he rob? Is he crazy? Why he won’t pull his pants up? Why is he so disrespectful? Why is he so hardheaded? What has happened to our youth? These boys need daddies in there lives, where is their daddies? He was a good boy, why did he change his life for the worse?

Judging from the previous paragraph, it doesn’t seem like we know it all when it comes to young men. Honestly, we don’t have the solution to stop young men from committing rebellious acts, no one on earth has the solution except those young men. However, with knowledge and an better understanding we will be better educated on why they act out in such manners. The reasons why they do act out in those manners may be totally different from what you have assumed. There is a silent battle going on that is often over looked. That battle claims the lives of many young and adult males in this country daily.

Recently I wrote a book titled ‘Tug of Conflict- Young men and their battle against the rebellious lifestyle.’ To some, it may be a boring or dull subject matter, but that may be the reason why we are so worried and confused about the young males in this country. Let me ask you all a question, when is the last time that you have been excited about the potential and future of young males? Some may say when President Obama became elected, but after the euphoria wore off, when was the last time that you truly were excited about the future of young males? Have you given up on young males completely?

I ask the above question because it shows everyday in our actions. We are not proactive when it comes to young men, specifically young black men. We are more reactive and often inactive. The reason why there are a lot of people who are so reactive, is because being proactive about young black males is often thought of as being dull and not entertaining enough. People believe that being reactive is more exciting, they march, they go to counseling and search for reasoning as to why the rebellious act was committed, and they get on the news and state things such as “I can’t believe he would do this, he was such a good kid.” Why not be proactive so that a rebellious act won’t occur? why not gain knowledge about the mental mindset of young men? Why not get on the news and honor that “good kid” who is doing right? But if young males are the subject matter of conversations around the country daily, how can being proactive about them not be exciting?

I have come across many people while selling and marketing my book. One of the major misunderstandings that people have about my book is that it is about a subject matter that is constantly being discussed, a jaded one. There have been many books written about the struggles of young men, and majority of those books preach an solution, but my book is different. The subject of the struggles of young men is often written about, but the material in my book isn’t. Here’s why, if the material in my book was the topic of discussion or previously written about, majority of those conversations that happen wouldn’t have room to exist.

What is ‘Tug of Conflict’ about? Tug of Conflict is not a book of solutions, although I have some listed in the book for young men. The book was created to provide knowledge and understanding to those who are associated with young men, whether their a relative, teacher, mentor, neighbor, or have any association (We all do in some way.) Tug of Conflict was not written for a specific race. There are chapters in the book that relates to all races of young men. It is not referring to the young men who are already rebelling, however it is referring to the young men who are on the edge. Honestly, there are very few ways to tell if a young man is on the edge of venturing over into the rebellious lifestyle, and the reason why is because its a mental battle, meaning that it takes place inside the mind and it is often silent. Therefore, if you do not have knowledge or understanding, you are lost just like those young men. It is very difficult for lost people to help others who are lost. Once again, the only solution to overcoming these battles is the individual, but just remember there is always a need for support and understanding when finding a solution. Do you really care about young males? Better yet, do you know it all? This book is a must read for everyone!

Tug of Conflict

Available online on Amazon and Barnes n Noble

To Purchase the book visit the Tug of Conflict website or click one of the two links below:

Click Here To Purchase Tug of Conflict From Amazon

Click Here To Purchase Tug of Conflict From Barnes N Noble

Also available at: www.tugofconflict.com

Darnell R. Mckinnon

The Journey to True Manhood

The Journey to True Manhood

Manhood- The state of being a man; manly qualities.

What is your definition of a Man? Is it when a male is physically and financially able to fend for himself? Is it when he finally owns his own home and vehicle? Is it when a male can protect you and your loved ones? Is it when a male takes care of the responsibilities that he has created? Is it the amount of knowledge that he has? Or is it when a male reaches a certain age or level of wisdom?

There is no true universal definition of manhood. Everyone has their own definition of what manhood truly is, and chances are, their definitions are based off of their own personal experiences. Normally, I would give myself a nice gap in between blog post, but I decided to write this because it’s needed. This blog post is needed for all of the young and adult males across the world, as well as myself. There are a lot of things in society today, that makes me believe that the definition of True Manhood has been lost. The number of males who take the Journey to True Manhood is becoming smaller as the days go by. Part of the reason is more discouragement than encouragement, part of it is lack of support, and part of it is lack of ambition and determination. There are a number of reasons why it has been lost, and I will share my beliefs. These are strictly my beliefs, you are entitled to disagree with them, but hopefully we can come to an agreement on some of the things that I am going to discuss.

First of all, in order to become something, you have to know what it is that you are trying to become. Many people believe that manhood is obtained when a guy has a well paying career. Some believe that manhood is obtained by having your own house and vehicle. Some believe manhood is obtained by having social status. Some believe that manhood is obtained when you can take care of your family. Some believe that manhood is obtained when you reach a certain level of wisdom. Some believe that manhood is obtained when you reach a certain age. Some believe that manhood is obtained by power and strength. Some believe that manhood is obtained by knowledge. Some believe that manhood is obtained by experience. However, you can have all of those things and not obtain True Manhood. I believe that all of the above listed are accomplishments that can take place while on the journey to True Manhood, but “True” manhood is obtained when a male has truly become his “best self.” I believe we should all look at Manhood as a journey, and not as something you obtain once you accomplish any of the above listed. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not look at Manhood as a journey, and many will continue to view it as something that happens over night by one or two of the above accomplishments listed, rather than viewing it as a process. Here’s why:

I grew up in a home with an older brother and we were raised by a single mother. All throughout my childhood, adolescent years, and majority of my early adulthood, I carried the emotions of my mother and so did my older brother. The results of my emotions were involuntary actions. When certain situations would occur, I would handle them with the same emotions that my mother would display in the same situation. Majority of the time, those emotions were a result of displaying emotions over logic. I would perhaps react in an angry or defensive manner, and often times I would feel bad as a result of my actions. This pattern became a habit and affected various areas of my life whether it was relationships with females, interactions/reactions towards my peers, interactions/reactions towards society, or with the way how I viewed myself overall. I wasn’t feminine, but the way I would handle things were not that of how my current definition of a man should handle things. Often times I would hear someone state to me “Darnell, you need to be a man about yours.” I would often blurt out “You show me a real man, and I will show you a lie.” Part of what I said was out of anger, but the other part of what I said was because I was onto something, even at a young age. That something that I was onto is the fact that there is no universal definition of a “real” man. The universal definition of a “real” man has been so twisted, that it will confuse any male whether an youth or adult. There are a mass majority of males in the world today who are lost. When I state lost I am not only referring to displaying emotion over logic, lacking knowledge, or even ambition, but I am also referring to those males being lost on the journey to True Manhood. A lot of males don’t even know that there is a journey, so why would they pursue it? I can’t be mad at them. But if their reading this, now they know!

How do you expect a young or adult male to become a man without no universal definition? Is it possible? Yes. I believe that manhood is obtained through the journey to become your best self. If a male chooses not to partake in that journey, he will never find True Manhood. What is your best self? Being your best self is being the best individual that you can be while making constant improvements and enhancements, by learning and knowing yourself. It starts with knowing who you are and who you want to be. It ends with being comfortable with who you truly are. So many young and adult men today are not comfortable in their own skin. I often fight the same battles as these young and adult men, I’m not immune. However, I recently came to an understanding that those same battles are part of the journey to True Manhood. Their nothing to be ashamed of or discouraged by, their part of the journey, embrace them. In today’s society, there is too much imitation going on with males. It’s not just with the youth, but many adults as well. Majority of males are not firm in their beliefs of who they truly are, and the minority who are, have accomplished many of the steps on journey to manhood. A lot of people believe that young men are the only ones at fault in today’s society, but adults are just as bad. We have boys raising boys. It doesn’t matter if a guy is 23 or 48, if he has yet to achieve True Manhood, he is in the same shoes as the youth. One of the main reasons why many adult males are just as bad is because they carried the habits of their childhood throughout their whole lives. Most men have not begun the journey to True manhood yet. Some may have an different definition than mine while believing that the above listed accomplishments create manhood. Everyone is entitled to their own definition.

On the journey to True manhood you develop the logic over emotion way of thinking. Majority of the males who have obtained True Manhood are firm with their individuality as well as carry the logic over emotion way of thinking. If you are aiming to become your best self, your focus is more on being logical than emotional. In reality, the journey to True manhood is a puzzle and the puzzle is not solved until you find your best self. A male being his overall best is the missing piece. The reason why I state that a man obtains True Manhood by being his best self is because his views will change, the way he handles situations will change, his reaction towards adversity will change, and his character will be firm from all of the experiences on the journey.

One of the most difficult things that makes the journey to True Manhood difficult is the lack of support. If you are going to do anything that pertains to the word “BEST” you are going to need support. In order to have support, your supporters have to display patience and understanding. Often times, the individuals that males would like to have as supporters, lack patience and understanding, which often leads to relapse and setbacks on the Journey to True Manhood. Feelings are bound to get hurt on this journey, toes are bound to be stepped on, emotions are bound to outweigh logic, and fear/uncertainty is bound to take place. It’s a process, similar to any true success. But the reward is the end result, the missing piece, your best self.

This blog was not written to bash males, I couldn’t do that. I understand the struggles that we face on the journey because I too experience those struggles everyday. However, this blog was posted to encourage and enlighten the males who read this post. This is a touchy subject that some people are not capable of discussing without bashing males. What better person would something like this come from, than a young male himself? Also, to all of the women whom are associated with a male in anyway, whether it’s a son, brother, boyfriend, cousin, father, or friend; I ask that you will show support by displaying patience and understanding. It is truly needed. If not, do not ask or expect a male to be a man if you refuse to support him on his journey to True Manhood.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Dependency for dating relationships

Dependency for dating relationships

Are you dependent on love? Is it hard to function for a minute period of time without a man or woman in your life? You may answer with a quick no, but by the end of this post your answer may change. What type of dependency am I referring to?

There are many people in the world today who are dependent. They are dependent specifically in the area of relationships. I am not only referring to marriage relationships or couple status, but flings as well. There are thousands of books out there that preach the solution, but the real solution is a simple one. This problem is with both males and females, not just females. I am a male, and a lot of times we place value of females over things such as success, self improvement, and self respect. But its also the same for females, and with that being said this post is directed towards everyone, no one is immune from dating dependency. In this post I will discuss dating dependency, the causes, effects, and a solution.

I believe that the reason why there are so many divorces and failed relationships today, is the fact that many people come into these relationships with dating dependencies. They come into a relationships with personal baggage whether it stem from self-esteem issues, confidence, identity crisis, or lack of self love. So what am I referring to when I state that people have a dependency for dating relationships? There are a great number of people who go from one relationship to the next without anytime in between. These relationships can be anything from marriage, dating, or flings. I know plenty of people personally who can’t go for a minute period of time without a lover in their lives. The people who are dependent never give their selves time to heal and release baggage from their previous relationship or personal issues, so they create a vicious cycle. They place blame on the people that constantly come in and out of their lives, and identify them as the root of the problem. However, these individuals never take out time to place blame inward, and the reason why is because they never had the time to. The reason why is because they have a dependency on dating relationships. They place relationships before their selves. These people can go from one lover to the next without care for their selves because of their dependency. But if they stop all relationships for a short period of time, they will drive their selves crazy. Dependency will eventually lead to heartbreak, here’s why:

The cause

People develop dependencies because of loneliness, lack of love, a void, fear and weakness. However the main cause of dating dependencies is because these individuals are not in tuned with their selves. Some of them have identity issues, some of them have love issues, some have self-esteem issues, some have confidence issues, and some have problems with addiction, but all of those issues are existent because there is a void, and it is up to the individual to fill it. Baggage is a relationship killer. Baggage is caused by one of the issues previously mentioned. The only way to rid baggage is to fix the previously mentioned issues.

If you don’t know who you are as an individual, don’t expect someone else to identify your identity for you. If you don’t love yourself, don’t expect love in return. If you don’t have great self-esteem, don’t expect someone else to boost it for you. If you don’t have confidence, don’t expect someone to help you gain it. And if you have a addiction, don’t expect someone to “fix” it for you. All of these expectancies and addictions create dependency.

The effects

The effect of dating dependency is the vicious cycle that I was referring to previously in this post. You begin to go from one partner to the next without a solution to your problem in sight. The root of your problem gets deeper because the time that is needed to find a solution becomes slim to none. You become jaded towards love and respect, it begins to effect the way you view partners and your relationships. Your personality and individuality suffers, you begin to become bitter and careless. You begin to categorize your partner, placing them in a box. You begin to love your partner more than you love yourself. You lose integrity, self respect, confidence, self-esteem, value and more importantly time. But the most important thing that you lose when you are dependent is: YOU.

The Solution

The solution to all of the causes and effects begins with you. Your mind controls all of these causes and effects. You can read all the self-improvement and relationship books in the world. Even Steve Harvey will not be able to help you, because If you don’t have you (your mental and true identity) in tact, you will always open a vacancy for dependency to come in. The cycle will continue, and you will continue to attempt to fill a vacancy that can be filled by you. The solution to fixing the relationship problems of today lies in the hands of each individual. If you realize that you have a problem with dating dependency, the solution is right before your eyes when you look in the mirror daily, you.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Food For Your Mental

The New Psycho-Cybernetics

 

Hello people. This post right here is about “Food for your mental”. Everybody needs mental food, especially in these times. The book that I posted above is one of my favorite books that I have ever read. I started off as a magazine reader from my early teens. I always thought reading literature books was boring. As I got older I realized that reading is necessary in order to come up in this world. Unless your someone who has a trade down packed and your one of the best at that trade worldwide. Even if that is the case I still believe that everyone should read. With that being said, Im going to refer you to a book that not only will give you knowledge and understanding. Top atheletes, actors, coaches, motiviational speakers, entertainers, politics, just about everybody who many people consider a somebody has read this book. But the book that Im am referring that you get may also change your life and your outlook.

The book is called “The New Psycho-Cybernetics”  by Maxwell Maltz and Dan Kennedy.  If your someone suffering from anxiety, depression, loss, heartbreak, having trouble figuring out what you wanna do with you life, wanna get to the next level in life, trouble with anger, suffering from self esteem issue, trouble releasing your true identity and real personality, need a extra boost or motivation, wanna get better grades in school, become a better athlete, or just someone who wants to find out why your mind is the important tool on your body, read this book. This book is for everybody, youth as well as adults. It starts off by explaining how the mind works. It discuss your conscious and sub-conscious in the first couple of chapters. After that its pretty much a easy read from there out. On the book’s cover it states that over 30 million people’s lives has been changed from this book. I always suggest that someone go to the bookstore and browse through the book. But with this book, check out the online reviews and you will see why Im referring this book. After you read it, you will know why.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

The Power Of A Bad Habit

Habit (psychology),- an acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically. One of the hardest things to do in your lifetime is break a old and bad habit. We all fall victim to this no matter who you are. If you do not have any habits then your more than likely not alive. The part in the definition of a habit that stands out to me the most is the word “acquired”. The reason why the word acquired stands out to me is because all habits are acquired. When we are babies we know nothing and we basically learn everything from our surroundings, relatives, and right from wrong. But we are also the most daring and fearless people on earth. Just think about the kid who touches the hot stove, or learns how to walk and falls a couple of times. We acquire our habits either as a child, throughout teen age years, or throughout adult hood. In my opinion I believe that most addictions are habits. From sexual addictions, smoking, over eating, alcohol, etc I believe they all are created from a habit.

What if we all could reverse all of our bad habits into good habits?. Most wealthy people who have not acquired wealth through family inheritance have developed a habit of having a positive outlook and mindset towards making money. While most poor people have developed a mindset of being poor, the “settle for less” outlook. One of the biggest differences between wealthy people and poor people is that most poor people make money to survive and most wealthy people make money to live. Both poor and wealthy people both depend on each other and need each other.

When I was younger I used to have bad habits but I noticed that most of them dissapeared once I started to pay attention to them. Imagine if we can break the habit of thinking negative about certain things in life, just by paying attention to them and recognizing them as bad habits. Its all possible, and as of late I have been thinking of ways and acting upon those ways to break major bad habits.
Believe it or not, but one of the major habits that people find the hardest to break is the “Fear of success”. Yes, it sounds crazy with the fear of success being a major habit for people because we all claim that we want to be successful. But in reality for most of us your as successful as you wanna be. Think of some of the greatest people whom you know of and concider great. Sometimes we look at them with the “I dont know how they do/did it” thought. The thing that makes them so great is not the easy accomplishments they have(The things that you can do), but the accomplishments that they have from overcoming obstacles and the work that they put in and things that you believe you cannot do. If they never overcame something that “we” concider an obstable or something that took an amount of effort that we feel we could have not done, then we wouldnt concider them great. When we were lil kids we dreamed of being stars, lawyers, doctors, pro athletes and all of the other great things. But as we started to get older, became more aware, and learned the obstacles and the amount of work that those people have to overcome, a lot of us dropped our aspirations. Whether its the ratios of becoming famous/stars and the gossip, anxiety, stress and hate they have to overcome, the amount of education and training that it takes to become lawyers and doctors, the training and dedication that it takes to be a pro athlete, etc… The “I cant do that” mindset becomes a habit. What if we drop one of our greatest habits “Fear” and switch it to “courage,” a lot of people’s lives will change drastically. Most people who are great, are great because they have developed an all out and “no matter what” mindset as a habit. Imagine what our success in life would be like it we did the same!!!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

First Black Family In The White House

The “REAL” Huckstables

Im proud right now and hopefully you all are just as proud as I am. No matter your race or background, everyone came together for the right cause. As Obama stated, this wasn’t about him it was about us. I am happy that everyone has come together as one to support Barack. All of the youth in this country now have inspiration “before their eyes”. I would like to give a shout out to everyone who is non-Black that supported Barack because that lets me know that the barriers that many people believed was there is now broken. I hear a lot of people being ignorant to white people by making very nasty statements, but what we must remember is that Barack Obama would not be President if it wasnt for White people and any other race in this country. We all came together in an effort.

I feel as though Barack Obama is one of a kind and people like him comes along every so often. Im happy to have experienced the moment before my eyes. My niece, future kids, and future grandkids, etc now have inspiration and can wear that pride with a smile without bowing their head. Before Obama became President I used no excuses, now there really are no excuses for NOBODY. If you dont prosper in this country or your lifetime, its nobody’s fault but yours. The inspiration is there if its never been before. This blog is about the Obama family.

First let me state that I have always been impressed by Michelle Obama. It was a great scene last night seeing Barack’s wife as well as his two daughters come out with him and then at the end of his speech they came together with the Biden family. That is what this country is susposseto be about. The “United” in the name of our country should have some truth to it. Seeing both families together is how things should be. Black, white, and any other color coming together for the right cause “united”. For a long time in this country, the only thing “united” has been the state’s connection. But let me get on to the subject of this blog. When I do get married I wanna marry a woman with Michelle Obama qualities. The amount of class that she has is very impressive. Her background, career, and education makes it even better. Whether we admit it or not, every black man needs a woman behind them who is about her business and carries herself in the manner that Michelle does. Females no longer should be inspiring to just be video girls for fame and attention, but now inspire to be something greater that will make your name and legacy a lasting memory. Me personally, Im attracted to success and drive in females. I believe that Michelle Obama is a woman that many black women and girls should inspire to be like, the prototype. Also black males now have their inspiration, if the previous ongoing hardships of the black male wasnt enough inspiration. Now young black males in school have someone positive and successful to inspire to be like. What us black males must realize is that Barack is not just “any” black male. He is a man with integrity, confidence, power, class, intelligence, as well as a people’s person who doesnt see colors, nor did he see barriers that couldnt be broken. If you inspire to become someone like Obama, please remember that your marking yourself after a great person. In order to receive the same respect as Barack, you have to carry yourself like Barack. Its nothing wrong with a black woman having class, education, and integrity or a black man having the same. You dont have to inspire to be a d-boy, athelete or rapper in order to be successful because the inspiration is now before your eyes. When I was growing up in public school in Buffalo, NY not many of us inspired to be a lawyer or even set our standards as high as trying to get in an IVY League school. Being smart wasnt glorified but being ignorant or a thug was. Its time to erase to ignorance and embrace success. A lot of black women considered men in college inspiring to be something positive nerds or squares for many years and embraced the opposite. Time to reverse that mindset as well. For so many years our community have embraced the opposite. I believe now is the time to embrace success and class and let the ignorance go. Barack is successful and President because he relates to everyone. The Obama family may not be the only family who inspires you, but I now look at them as my “Real” Huckstable family, and when I have a family I want us to be something like theirs, if not better. This is a great moment, black kids will be in the white house as the President’s kids. Many people thought that they will never see this day, now that its here what will you do to improve life for your family and loved ones as well as what will you do to build your legacy?

Be Inspired!!!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Is It Currently A Recession?, If So For Who?

Recently on my myspace page I asked everyone for suggestions on my next blog. I got a lot of suggestions but one stood out to me more than the others and that was the suggestion of writing about the current recession. Every time you turn on the television your hearing the word recession. If your not hearing it on the news, your hearing it on a “All state insurance” commerical. However my question is, is there really a recession going on? I believe I have the answer to that question.

First, I would like to state that this write up is strictly my opinion. Now to answer the above mentioned question. Yes, I do believe that there is currently a recession going on but only for certain people. All of the U.S. is not in a current recession, like the media constantly mentions.

Recession- A period of general economic decline, part of the usual business cycle.

Now my theory is if a recession is a period of GENERAL economic decline, why are there still certain people spending the same, making the same amount of money or more, and business’s who still have the same amount of consumers, or in some cases more. The reason is because only certain people are in a recession in my opinion. I believe those people are majority of the lower-class, the middle-class people who have been laid off or recieved pay cuts, and the upper-class people who own business’s that depend on lower-middle class consumers.

Most people who are in the lower-class are in a recession right now. Jobs are abroad, jobs are constantly laying off, and their not hiring so therefore the unemployment lines are filled all over this country. It basically is a domino effect from upper class to lower class. For the most part, all classes depend on each other. But the lower-class needs the upper-class just as much as the upper-class needs the lower-class. Since many lower-class people are out of jobs, a good amount of lower-class people have reduced their spending. Their spending affects some people in the upper-class because many upper-class people depend on the business of lower-class consumers.

I only stated a certain amount of people in the middle-class being in a recession for a reason. Lately I have been going around to different shopping areas and I am noticing that many shopping areas are still crowded with people. Most of the people in the middle-class still have their careers and are still getting paid the same salary or more than they were before the economic meltdown. Many middle-class people are still going out to eat at expensive restaurants, still going shopping on the regular, still purchasing luxury vehicles, and still living the same lifestyle that they were living before the economic meltdown. However, there are some middle-class people who lives has changed. The middle-class people who have been laid off or recieved pay cuts are currently in a recession. There are also some middle class people who are business owners and most of their consumers are lower-middle and they are currently in a recession as well due to lack of business and profit. Their spending is reduced because they no longer have a job or they are making less money. But for the most part, a good amount of people in the middle-class are “Recession” proof. A good amount of them will keep their careers (Depending on the career), keep their same salary (Depending on the career) and continue to have the same spending habits.

Some people probably were shocked when I mentioned that the upper-class were in a recession. Why? because the upper class has the most income and money out of all of the classes. But as stated above, many people in the upper-class depend on the lower-middle class in order to make profit. Many people in the upper class who own business’s that have lower-middle class consumers are currently in a recession. Their not getting as much business as before, their not making as much money, and they are laying off workers because of those reasons. However the upper class business owners that have middle-upper class consumers are not currently in a recession. Why? because majority of their consumers are still spending the same as they were before the “economic meltdown” or more.

In the end, this is only my theory. I watch tv, and often you hear a entertainer or someone who has a decent income mention that it’s a recession, and I often react and state “Not for you.” I believe that there is a recession, but only for a certain group of people. Those groups of people are mentioned above. And if we are going to state that it is a recession for “the general,” it has to mean the general amount of people in the certain mentioned groups above, because everybody is not suffering.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Do Men Really Respect Easy Women?

I received an email from a female who stated that she likes my blogs, but she would like me to make a blog about what men look for in women. Just about everything that is said about what men look for is recycled. What I am going to discuss is recycled as well, but I am writing from a man’s point of view that probably can assist some females. Too many times I come across articles online where a woman is speaking on what a man wants. I decided that I will give a man’s point of view. I am not going to be bias and choose sides in the post either.

I decided to write about Jumpoffs/Easy women in order to clear some things up for some females. If your a woman who only deal with guys for sexual gratification and pleasure, this post is not for you. So the question is, do men really respect Jumpoffs/easy women? Most men will tell you that the answer is no, although some may disagree. Honestly we “love” jumpoffs/easy women, but 9 times out of 10 we do not respect them enough in order to put them in the “Settle down with” category. There are some exceptions though, because some guys settle for less in order to achieve instant sexual gratification and they don’t mind dating/marrying these type of women either. However, I am not referring to those type of men in this post. I know plenty of guys who have girlfriends and wives that were jumpoffs and easy women when they began dating because of the desire for instant sexual gratification. So you may be wondering, what is a easy woman? Easy is throwing yourself at a man, giving it to us without us even having to put forth any effort, or just coming off as being desperate.

First, I wouldn’t put a jumpoff or easy woman in the “Settle down with” category because I believe there is a confidence/self esteem issue on their end. Your “goods” will not impress me that much, you have to bring more to the table. But thats just my take and this post is not just about me, it’s about men in general. Men who have things going for theirselves along with confidence and self-worth, will not date or marry a woman who they consider easy or a jumpoff. Why? Because we do not respect things that come easy, but neither do women. Now there may be some women reading this and they may be wondering why some guys only call them to come over late night, never want to go out on dates with them or be seen in the public eye together, and only want to do things with them that relates to sex. The answer is that more than likely you are in the jumpoff category, and it is similar to a woman’s “friendzone” category, it’s hard to get out of. But anyways there are a lot of females around who believe that they can take a man away from his wife, girlfriend, or other women who he is involved with because she’s willing to give him the goods quicker and easier; And according to her, her “goods” are better than the women or woman who he is involved with. One thing that those women fail to realize is the fact that you can’t win a man over by the “goods” that’s in between your legs. Taking the man temporarily from his wife, girlfriend, or other women may be possible, but it will not be enough to keep us. I find it humorous when I meet a woman and she brags about how good her “goods” are. I am assuming that those women don’t believe that other females state the same thing as well.

But back to the question of this post, the answer is NO. We may respect easy women as human beings and as women, but we do not respect easy women as “settle down with” material; Real men that is. I am skeptical about things that are free, discounted, and easy, so why wouldn’t I feel the same way about a woman who’s easy. Many women may believe that men have the mindset of “If she did that for me with ease, she probably do the same for other dudes.” Those same women will state that they only did something easy with us because they like us more, in order to use a smoke screen. While the statement of those women not being “easy” with other men may be true, we get more of a confirmation if anything. That confirmation is that we will not throw you in the girlfriend/wife potential category because at the end of the day you still were “EASY.” You will automatically get thrown in the Jumpoff/convenient smash/I’ll call whenever I am horny category. Now it may sound harsh, but I am being real about the situation because I was asked to give my honest opinion.

If you want a man to respect you as settle down with material, you have to carry yourself that way. Most men will sleep with a woman on the first day that we met her. But chances are we will not throw her in the potential wife/girlfriend category. Most men would sleep with a woman who they know are constantly sleeping with other guys, but she will not be thrown in the wife/girlfriend category. Just like females have Categories, men do as well. Some women believe that if they “put it on us” the right way, they will have us wrapped around their fingers, That’s a lie. Sure some men may be wrapped around your fingers, but they will be wrapped around yours and other women as well. Hey, I am just being honest. Some females even believe that their doing their selves good service by being easy and sleeping with a guy without him putting in effort. Sure, you may get up to an hour of pleasure, but you lose a lifetime of respect from that guy. Not total respect, but girlfriend/wife material respect.

Men respect a challenge from women. Not the phony “Playing hard to get” challenge, but a genuine challenge. A lot of women these days pretend to be a challenge, but most guys can see right thru that and then we lose respect for that female. That loss of respect gives most guys the urge to throw the woman in the jumpoff category anyways. A female shouldn’t have to come off as stuck up, a snob, sadity, or a diva in order to be a challenge. To most men, playing stuck up is actually a sign that your easy and using a cover up. So you may be wondering, what is a genuine challenge? A genuine challenge is a female who knows her worth, but does not go over board in order to prove that she does. Some of the females that I met who were genuine challenges had some of the best personalities around. Friendly, classy, can hold an intelligent conversation, knew their self worth, confident, sexual, but not easy. On the other hand, some of the most “easy” women whom I have met had some of the most arrogant, snobby, sadity, and disrespectful personalities around. Their personality was working as their coverup for their easy side, but I saw right thru it just like most guys would. With that being said, we see through the false personas ladies. Am I stating that you cannot be sexual or sleep with a guy who you like? No because sleeping with a guy does not make you easy, but I am stating that we respect women who are not easy more than women who are. If you want to be respected and treated like girlfriend/wife material, carry yourself like it. It may be hard to accept it, but it’s fact.

I may receive some backlash from this post, but majority of the people who may send backlash at me will more than likely be in the same catergories that I was referring above. But honestly, these days some women are content with being jumpoffs/easy women and are only in it for sexual gratification and pleasure. They believe that it’s their way to get “Even” with guys, but little do they know their hurting their selves more than us because chances are we have already threw them in the “Jumpoff” category. This post is not for those type of females.

When I wrote this, the men I am referring to are the men who are about their business and know their self worth. I am not referring to the dudes that settle for less or guys who accept anything that has eyes. I would not have wrote this blog if I were not asked to. It’s not because I am selfish, but it’s because I believe that some women have their issues, problems, and wounds from dating men because they inflict them theirselves.

Humble Pie

I have great inspiration for writing this. I actually had a eye opening experience recently that I would like to share with some of you. Hopefully it will help some of you out. Recently I was having a conversation with one of the older guys that I do work with (He’s in his 70’s). Well at one of our locations that we do some work at, there are homeless people that often camp out outside of there. Well anyways there was one guy who was homeless and the older guy insisted that he knew him. The older guy stated that the guy used to have a great job, but lost his job due to cutbacks. I was in disbelief because I always thought that people being homeless was mainly caused by drugs. I received a huge wake up call when the older guy mentioned that a great amount of the homeless people were homeless because they lost their jobs or families. In that moment, I realized how blessed I was to be in the position that I am, and that is why I am writing this. All throughout my life I would x out being humble about the small things in life, and life would slap me right in my face with humble pie. I remember there was a time when I didn’t appreciate my health, and I got sick and had no other choice but to appreciate it. Im not saying that you should lack confidence or not strive to be wealthy and great. But what I am stating is that we should be humble (Appreciative) while striving to become wealthy.

Many of us want and place great value on what others have, while overlooking what we have. I was always told that putting value on material or on what others have create low self-esteem, that statement is a fact. I knew a girl who was one of the most beautiful women in the world, but she never realized it because she put more value into the cover girls, actresses, and video girls, more than she did herself. The saying “Keeping up with the Jones’s” is beyond it’s point right now. People are no longer trying to keep up with the Jones’s, but the are trying to out compete them as well. With the “keeping up” and “out competing” we tend to lose sight of what we really have. I am one of those people that I previously mentioned. I am very competitive and I aim to be the best. But oneday I stopped and thought to myself, “Who am I trying to out compete and please?” Myself or other people? The bad thing about competiting with finances and material things is sometimes we over spend. I live in ATL, and in ATL you have plenty of people losing homes to foreclosures, vehicles to repo, and going bankrupt. One of the main causes of these problems is trying to compete with, please, or out compete others. We tend to lose our true identity by trying to impress. Everyone knows by know that everyone calls ATL “Black Hollywood.” The sad thing about that statement, is that a lot of these “Hollywood” people really can’t afford the lifestyle that they live. But who am I to judge right?

I named this post humble pie because that’s what the story about the homeless guy did for me, humbled me. With the job market declining and unemployment lines increasing, I believe that we should all have a peice of humble pie no matter how wealthy or successful we are. There is a thin line between having money and being homeless. At the end of the day, I realized that I have to live for Darnell as all of you should live for yourself. Because in the end, when it all hits the fan, the people who you were aiming to impress, please, and out compete, will be nowhere to be found. The best thing to do is to appreciate and value everything that we have, while striving to do better and make improvements.

What Now?

The euphoria is dying down, the confetti is swept away, majority of people who were in DC have returned home, and the dream come true is visible. Barack Obama is now the 44th President of the United States and the first ever African American President. My question to everyone is: What now?

Now what will people use as their excuse? Success is and has always been in the hand of the individual. Sure there is plenty of bumps in the road and plenty of doors that close, but in the end it all boils down to how the individual handles adversity. The ignorant will continue to be ignorant, while the wise continue to grow while pursuing success and wealth. Sure Barack is in the White House, but does your success depend on him being elected? I have the same mindstate that I had while Bush was in the House; That mindstate is to become successful and stay focused nomatter whose in the top chair. I ask that all of you do the same. I hear many people stating that they hope Obama creates new jobs. More than likely Obama will create new jobs, but it’s going to take some time. What we can do is put ourselves in the position to take a job thats already available or create our own job by becoming entreprenuers. What will the new excuse be now that “The man” is Black? There shouldn’t be any. The economy will continue to go downhill for many for the next couple of years, while the wise will gain more knowledge and take advantage of this time and grow wealth.

So my question to you is: What now? Will you wait for Obama to make adjustments in order for you and your family to succeed, or will you create your own lane and gain more knowledge in order to succeed nomatter what?

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Does Your Giving Stem From Gratitude?

Something came across my mind the other day: Gratitude

Gratitude- A positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.

Think back of all the times that you have made contributions to something, whether it be love, a favor, a good deed, or even just practiced the art of giving. When you did all of these things, did you do it just the sake of it, or did you do it because you were expecting to receive gratitude. Many times, people act out because they are expecting gratitude. Here is some examples: You are working in a restaurant as a waitress/waiter, do you give people 100% quality customer service because it is your job title, or do you do it out of gratitude? Another example: You are taking part in a Thanksgiving “Feed the hungry” event, are you participating out of humanity, or because you want special recognition? Take relationships for example, do you tell your mate or friends that you love them because you truly do, or do you tell them because you expect “I love you too” or more.

Gratitude is major in society these days. But the thing that should be even bigger than gratitude is doing things just for the sake of it, and not off of an reaction. Part of the reason why the world is the way it is, is because of gratitude. A lot of people do not feel comfortable with giving without receiving some sort of reward. Many friendships and personal relationships are destroyed because of people’s dependence on gratitude. Unfortunately, many people will continue to act off of gratitude. The key is to give and do without expecting any gratitude and it will be hard to become disappointed in the receiver’s reaction.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Living Past Regrets And Mistakes

I decided to write about mistakes and regrets. We all have made mistakes in our lives and many people like to use the popular statement “I don’t regret anything because everything bad has taught me something”. But can we really dispose of our regrets that easy?

Mistakes

When making mistakes do you place more blame on yourself for making the mistake or do you take it as a lesson learned? Many times we make mistakes in life and we over look the learned lessons that may come from the mistakes that were committed. I remember when I was a kid, I played little league baseball. I played second base all throughout my baseball career (4yrs of little league). When I first started playing, I never knew how to slide into a base. I kept making the same mistake when trying to slide which always led to my failure in attempting a successful slide. I constantly ignored the lesson from mistakes that I was making and constantly got down on myself for making the mistake. I had a talk with my baseball coach oneday and he told me to learn from the mistake that I was making and watch my other teammates slide as well in order to see what I was doing wrong. I took his advice and realized that I was not bending my knee correctly when sliding. I made the correction and I finally was able to slide. A lot of us make mistakes in life but if we start to pay more attention to the lesson that can be learned from the mistakes than focusing on the mistake itself, it will make correcting the mistake much easier.

Regrets

You learn from regrets the same way that you learn from mistakes. The way to do so is to pay more attention to what you can learn from the regret than the regret itself. It commonly said that everything happens for a reason. That statement is very true. But in order to live with a regret you have to fix your mental and atleast work towards correcting the mistakes that were made that led to the regret, if possible.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Avoiding Excess Baggage In Fresh Starts

Imagine a fresh start. When you think about a fresh start, the word “fresh” stands out. Fresh can mean different things, light, new, the beginning or clean. Whether the meaning of fresh is anyone of those words, one thing about the word fresh is that it does not mix well with the word baggage. The word baggage can mean excess weight, dirty, waste or garbage. When someone is fresh, they do not want to be anywhere near baggage. So if fresh and baggage do not mix well, how can we avoid bringing baggage into fresh beginnings?

When we are starting fresh things, whether it is a relationship, friendship, career or a change in general, it is not a good idea to bring baggage. How often do you hear about people stating that they are not capable of trusting someone because of hurt in the past? I’m sure plenty. So some might ask, what is my definition of baggage? Baggage is anything from your past that you bring in present situation. Many times people will get involved in new situations without closing out a past one. You cannot get over certain things in the past by starting a new situation.

Some people do this often when it comes to relationships. They often get into a new relationship in order to get over their past mate. That is a bad move. Back to the fresh theory above, baggage and fresh do not mix so therefore bringing baggage into a fresh situation will cause your new relationship to end in failure of being able to mix/blend. It is almost impossible to come into a fresh situation with baggage, and have the result of the new situation become a success. Always remember to throw away all of the trash before any fresh start has begun. Getting over fresh starts takes time, patience, and maybe a little rehab. But please make sure that you dispose of your baggage before pursuing a fresh start and new beginnings.

Remember: Fresh and baggage don’t mix!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Artificial Dreaming

Recently I have been noticing that there is a lot of false advertising going on. I am not referring to clothing and shoe corporations using target marketing to bait a specific consumer base, all to lead the consumers disappointed in the end with fake products. I am referring to the consumers who are aware that the goods are fake and artificial, but they still purchase these products because they are stuck “Artificial dreaming” We are artificial dreaming so much that it’s going to be hard to wake up.

What is Artificial dreaming?

Artificial dreaming- People who purchase artificial clothing, accessories, and shoe products in order to fulfill a dream of living large and a luxurious/important lifestyle. Some people state that they purchase artificial products because they are so similar to the real product, and nobody will know the difference. Others say that they purchase the artificial products simply because they can. I do not have a problem with people purchasing cheap products, but I do have a problem with purchasing artificial cheap products (Knockoffs), in order to keep up with an image or to fill a void of being bigger than they really are. People actually do not mind spending $100+ on these products either. It seems as if people no longer have a problem with wearing artificial goods in order to portrait an image of “importance”. It’s a sad sight to see so many people being caught up in designer names to the point that they will buy a knockoff product. But in reality, if you are purchasing and sporting these knockoff products, are you really “Official” like you claim to be? We have a lot of learning to do. I rather wear a cheap product and make it my own, then sport knockoffs. But that’s just me. If your dreaming, make sure it’s realistic!

Below listed are a few official products from Louis Vuitton. Majority of these products are over $1,000. Now think, if you have luggage and suitcases that cost more than $1,000 would you really feel comfortable having your bags go through baggage claim, knowing how easy bags get misplaced?

Louis Vuitton Prices or should I say “Lewis Vuitton” Prices

Women Essentials:

Speedy 300 Carry-on Purse $700.00

Eva Clutch Purse $550

Sarah Wallet $550

Alma MM Red Purse $2,080.00

Men

Men’s Monogram Tie $195.00

Bill Clip $145.00

Evidence Sunglasses $675

Luggage

Pegase 65 $3,100.00

Pegase 55 $2,470.00

Prices are courtesy of:

www.louisvuitton.com

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Living In The Moment

Lately I have been idle, away from my blog. But I decided to come back and share some things with you. This post is about Living in the moment and the power of living in the moment. I bring this topic up, because as of late I have come to the realization that living in the moment is very vital for our happiness and sanity.

Living in the moment

A big reason why we have such a high rate of anxiety and stress is because people are not taking time out to enjoy the present moments. Majority of those people are mentally multi-tasking. We solve our present issue instantly and focus on things that are in the past and future. We are very impatient as humans, and instant gratification only temporarily feeds our anxiety. I have been one of the most anxious individuals, I wanted everything fast. In fact, I wanted everything to come so fast that I never took out time to savor the present moments. The result of that was feeling regret and wishing I could go back and celebrate accomplishments, enjoy the people who were in my life, have fun with the adventure that was in my present, and enjoy the moment. I remember being so mentally tied up into my past and future that I wasn’t even aware of certain things that were happening in my present. I looked at Birthdays as just another day, same for Holidays. I overlooked friendships, and accomplishments because I was so worried about the past or future. Those overlooked moments led to present regrets. Unfortunately there are many people who Live in the past and future just like I did, all while ignoring the things that are in the present. It is very important that we start living in the moment. Here’s why:

The Benefits of living in the moment:

When you live in the moment you increase your awareness, happiness, and sanity. As young and old adults, we often look back on our past and look at certain things and have regrets. We become depressed, saddened, experience anxiety and even stressed when looking back on certain regrets from the past that we can no longer change. The same people who reminisce on their childhood are some of the same people who do not live in the moment. One of those regrets is: Not living in the moment and enjoying certain moments in our past. I often look back at some moments in my past and wish that I would have enjoyed those moments while they existed. There are plenty of things in my childhood that I wish I would have appreciated more, things like birthdays, parties, athletics, academics, etc,.The benefit of living in the moment is that it reduces future regret of the present to a minimum. Most of the things that humans become down about are things that either happened in the past, or things that we dread happening in the future. Thinking like this throws your happiness off by focusing on two or three things (Past, future, present) at once. Your happiness shrinks to a minimum because the present goes by so fast because your busy focusing on the past, future or both along with the present. Many of us are aware that multi-tasking makes time fly, just imagine what happens when you multi-task mentally. However, when we live in the moment, our mind is focused on one thing, instead of two or three, the present. There are so many good moments in the present that we can enjoy if we live in the moment. Whether its life itself, family, friends, love, accomplishments, your surroundings, or the people who are currently in your life. Imagine how much more we will appreciate the things that are in our present lives if we live in the moment.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Protecting Your Happiness (The X Factor)

Protecting Your Happiness (The X Factor)

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now. I am not really sure why I delayed to write this post, because this is actually one of the most important post that I have written. Maybe it’s a little too late for someone; maybe they have already slipped into depression or given up due to their happiness being stolen away, but hopefully for many, this post will be the X factor. I call it the X factor because happiness makes a huge difference in your life.

I want everyone who is reading this to do an experiment with me. Whenever you are out and about, look at a child around ages 2-4. Look at the reactions of that child and how they behave. Their minds are free and unless they have been abused or they have a certain illness, their happiness shows. They are full of life, and one of the main reasons why they are full of life is because their happiness is protected. Now, when I speak of protection, I am not referring to their parents being over protective and not letting them enjoy their childhood. When I state their happiness is protected, I am referring to their minds being free to roam. No one is beating down their self esteem confidence, and many of them are not aware of the many social issues that teenagers and adults face. As teenagers and adults, a lot of us are not our true selves while in the presence of society. We often act out the way that society expects us to act out, because anything more or less than what society expects would be considered weird or abnormal. But for most kids ages 2-4, they really don’t care what society thinks of them. They have a free vocabulary and will say just about anything. They are not as mentally conscience as teenagers and adults are because their happiness is protected. When you think of little kids, what are some of the words that comes to mind? Fun, playful, adorable, energetic and happy.

What makes you happy? Do you even know what makes you happy? Sometimes you can find happiness in some of the least expected things. Up until a year or 2 ago, I believed that my happiness was in something that made other people happy but subtracted from my happiness. I went on a mission to find out what makes me happy and little did I know that my happiness was in writing and helping people. As teenagers and adults, we often aim to please others. We aim to please others with our appearance, our words, our associations, as well as our actions. Pleasing others is not always a bad thing, but when your pleasing others and denying room for your own happiness, it is. There have been many people in the world who missed out on their happiness in order to please others. Nothing is wrong with helping and pleasing others, but often times we leave our happiness unguarded. When your happiness is unguarded, sadness, anger, and depression has room to come into play. Their are many people who battle depression and sadness daily, some are winning the war and some are losing it. One of our major goals in life should be to find what makes us happy, and guard it with our life.

How do you protect your happiness? By guarding it with your life. There is a great amount of people in the world who are not happy, their walking around angry or depressed, avoid those people. To protect your happiness you have to stay in a circle of people who are happy or at least pursuing it. It will be very hard for you to remain happy if you are constantly around people who are either angry, sad, depressed or mad. In order to protect your happiness, never put your happiness in someone else’s hands. Your happiness should remain in your care and only your care.

How do you find what makes you happy? Often times you find what makes you happy by finding your complete self. Who are you? What are you about? What do you stand for? What are you goals and aspirations? What makes you different from others? Everyone has something about them that’s different from others, that’s part of individuality. And it is our job to find what makes us different and find our true selves. There is a great chance, that when you find what makes you different from everyone else on earth and find your true selves, you will find true happiness. Let’s all begin the search!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Embracing Setbacks

Embracing Setbacks

Atlanta has an Interstate Highway, I-285. I-285’s route is a big circle that goes around Atlanta and it’s surrounding areas. If you drive on I-285 and never get off, you will eventually find your self in the same place where you started. Setbacks are similar to the I-285 driving experience, it seems as if you constantly end up in the same position where you started. Setbacks are full of frustration, anxiety, and other stressful emotions. All of those emotions cloud your main objective. Once the main objective is clouded, you make a decision based off of 2 options. This blog will give you some insight on those two options.

It is often hard to realize that the main purpose of a setback is the lesson that is learned. Most people do not realize the purpose of a setback until they have given up on their goal. Learning is gained from experience. Experiences can be both positive and negative, but the benefit of experience is that it is a lesson learned. Many times during setbacks, the mind is so clouded by negative emotions, that it is hard to see that there is a positive in every setback, the lesson learned.

“I will not lose, for even in defeat, it’s a valuable lesson learned so it evens it up for me”
Jay-Z- Blueprint 2

If you view setbacks as a lesson during the time your experiencing them, it will make things more clear to you. You will become more motivated to find what is needed in order to accomplish your goal. The frustration, anxiety, and stress that you experience during your setback will begin to shrink. Setbacks happen because there is a need to find a missing piece that is needed in order to complete your goal. There is a void somewhere in accomplishing your goal that needs to be found. Sometimes you have to start all over from scratch, and the sometimes you only have to take a few steps back. But when you realize that your setback is the opportunity to find the missing piece that is needed, you will embrace the challenges and struggles that come along with your setback.

If you’re going to be great in life, you will experience many setbacks. There are only a minority of people who are great because the majority do not embrace the challenges of a setback. Great individuals look at setbacks as a lesson learned. Setbacks are part of the process that comes along with becoming successful. Depending on the type of success that you’re trying to accomplish, you will experience setbacks often. The greater the goal, the more setbacks. During a setback you only have 2 options. The first option is to give up on whatever it is that you’re trying to accomplish; the second option is to embrace the setback, and look at it as a lesson that is needed to find the missing piece.

Often times, people point fingers for their failures. Blame is one of the main characteristics of failure. Finger pointers don’t realize that they continuously fail because they choose option #1 instead of option #2. I am a firm believer that setbacks happen in order to build character, and in the process of building character, you learn a valuable lesson and find a missing piece. Always look at setbacks during your road to success as a lesson that is needed, and never as a reason to give up. There are no rewards that comes along with option #1, no lesson learned, and no piece found. There is always a reward that comes along with option #2, even if you don’t accomplish your goal at that moment, it’s the lesson learned that is the reward. I’m writing this blog today because I chose option #2, and so should you.

Darnell R. Mckinnon